I'm a doer. How many of us are? Probably most of us, if not all of us. Mommy jobs keep me busy from morning till night, and even many hours into the night. I find I do good if I get 4-5 hours of sleep at night. But it comes with being a mom and I signed up for it! There are days I enjoy it, and there are days I really wonder what the heck I got myself into.
My oldest is four and a half years old. My middle child is three and my youngest child is 18 months. For the most part, my two oldest sleep pretty well through the night with the rare occasions of needing something to drink or just wanting an extra hug, kiss or cuddle. My youngest on the other hand is very, let's say, needy. She wakes up several times a night, nurses for about 1-2 minutes and then she's back asleep. But it's those several times a night that throws me off. I stumble to her bed, cuddle her and feed her real quick and then try to sneak back into bed without waking myself up that much. But low and behold, I normally can't fall back asleep for at least 20-30 minutes.
Now, I'm not complaining. Like I said, I signed up for this. But this makes for a very tired mommy some days and of course, when a mommy is tired, it calls for several cups of coffee or a quick cold wash cloth to my face to wake me up! I sometimes have to do both!
Mommy life is full of ups and downs. Four year olds are really challenging! I thought two year olds were difficult. I changed my mind quite quickly recently. I know I've written about this before, but I always wanted to be the Pinterest Perfect Mommy. You know, the one with the sparkling tables and counters, empty sinks, shiny kid faces, every hair in place, house smelling of lemon and everything looking just so. I had ambitions of doing crafts with my kids on some fairy tale perfect schedule, with meals on the table that were healthy, filling and always on time. I dreamed of kids being in bed at the same time every single night and my husband having date night every night after they're fast asleep.
Wake up call! Didn't happen. While I do have days where the house is clean and the kids have clean faces, I have to admit that more often than not, I have dishes in my sink, my counters aren't perfectly clean, the table is full of mail and stuff I need to go through. My laundry pile is sometimes the size of Mt. Everest and if dinner is on the table by 8, I'm proud of myself. Gahhh! Schedules are practically non-existent in my house. I just do. I just do until I'm done. Which I'm never done.
I used to just focus on my house and keeping everything all perfect and beautiful. But then someone said to me one day, "You know, you should just slow down and sniff the roses. Enjoy your kids. Play with them. Get dirty. Do crazy things. Have fun. Just slow down." I was incredulous! You mean I shouldn't have a clean house and perfection all the time? *eye roll* Yes, of course that's what they meant. So I gave it a try. While my OCDness for cleanliness and wanting perfection still surfaces nearly every day, I have finally figured out that it's really ok to not have a Pinterest Perfect Home and be that Picture Perfect Mom. Life in the slow lane feels good. You can see what you're passing. You can experience it and even pull over if needed for a break. Life as a mommy is full of bumps and bruises, silliness and laughter, crazy times and happy times, patience and impatience. But all in all, wrap it all up into one fat burrito, life is good.
So mommies, let's just slow down. Let's enjoy our babies. Let's see things through their eyes. Let's appreciate their laughter and comfort when the tears fall. And go to bed, if you have to, with the dishes in the sink. They'll be there tomorrow. (But don't leave them too long! haha. Bugs love that stuff). But seriously! Have fun, Mommies! <3
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
Hot Topic: The Duggars
As the world now knows, the Duggar family who are stars of TLC's show, "19 Kids and Counting," have come under fire for a sin revealed in their family. If you want to know more about it, just type in Google, "Duggar family" and I'm sure a hundred news stations will pop up with reports on all the juicy details.
The Duggar family has been in the limelight for years. They have been a family portraying Christian values and purity. I think they have been a great example to the youth of today on how to have a proper, pure relationship during dating, engagement and marriage. Of course, earlier this week, it came out that their oldest son had molested five girls, some including his sisters. His parents stated that they turned him into the police (the timing is still unclear, but it seems to have been a long while later). Josh and the girls got counseling. They have moved on with their lives. That is the jist of what happened.
This subject is a hot topic, because so many are horrified by them hiding his crime and him not paying for it. They're horrified about the victims and how they didn't get the help they needed. So people are jumping all over them, discussing the atrocious "Sins of the Duggars." I have argued with people that his sin is no different than others. They've argued back that his sin is different because it's a crime.
Now I come to the point of this blog. Sin is sin. There isn't a line God draws where He says, "Oh, you just lied, so you get to go to heaven," and then turns to someone else and says, "Oh, you raped that girl, you're going to hell." All sin is equal. Some just happen to have crime, according to the law made by men, attached to their name. I don't feel Josh's sin is more worthy of hell and damnation than me getting angry at my husband and spitting out words in anger that I regret later. I don't see a difference between a kid stealing a candy bar at the store and what Josh did. It is sin. But the bigger thing I think we need to look at is how Jesus dealt with sin. My favourite story is the one with the woman caught in adultery. He came upon a group of men about to stone a woman for sleeping with several men, none of them being her husband. He told them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Not one man could cast a stone. They all slouched away, knowing that they all have sin. Then Jesus told them woman, "Go, sin no more." He extended grace, mercy and forgiveness. Does that excuse what she did? No. It doesn't. Is it still bad that she slept around and cheated on her husband? Yes. It is still bad. But the difference is that Jesus extended grace, while others just wanted to extend judgement and death. Now, people like to argue that Josh's sin is different because it was a crime and this woman's sin was with other consenting adults. But yet, the point of the story isn't so much her sin, but the fact that Jesus ended the discussion, so to speak, and gave her freedom and life. The point is grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and no judgement. He didn't berate her. He didn't drag her name through the mud. He didn't use her as an example of how awful her sin was and how the church should "kick her out" and "deal with her sin." Instead, He showed the church how to deal with it. He showed love.
I grew up in a church that covered men's sin of rape and molestation. I know the feeling of "Wow, these guys should have been in jail a long time ago. Why the heck did the church cover this up? How is that ok?" I know the feeling of wanting justice for the girls who were hurt by men they should have been able to trust. Thankfully, they are now in prison and are paying the consequences of their sin. But you know what? I still pray for them. I hope someday that they come to know the power, the love and the forgiveness of Jesus. I hope they change and when they leave prison someday, that they become powerful, awesome men of God who change the world with their testimony and the freedom that God has given them. That is my hope. I hope that Josh Duggar can use this situation to show that Christians aren't all pretty and perfect; that they sin, they fail, they even commit crimes! Oh heaven forbid that Christians sin! *sarcastic* I also hope that the church learns from this and the many thousands of other stories that are lying beneath the surface, just waiting to be heard. I hope the church can start speaking out about this. But you know what else? I hope the church creates a safe environment for people to share their struggles and sins, and crimes. But I also hope the church creates an atmosphere of, "If you commit a crime, we will need to share it with proper authorities, right away....no delay." If people feel like they're going to be judged and sent to hell by people's words and actions, they won't ever come forward and share what is going on. The church needs to be a place of love and forgiveness. But the church also needs to be a place of honesty and truth, where we do what is right in light of the law. I don't believe we should hide people's crimes just to protect. But I also don't believe we should sit around using the Duggars and this situation as a license to gossip and judge. I have never been in the place the Duggars have been in. I don't know what it feels like to have a 12 year old son tell me that he's molested his sisters. I don't know how I would respond. I don't know the fear that would course through my veins as I grapple with the best decision to make. I don't know how it would feel walking my son into a police station, knowing full well he will be arrested and put into a detention center for his crimes. Since I don't know, I can't judge them. Also, as a PS. I want to say, this thing with the Duggars DID get dealt with. They did turn their son into the police (timely? no. But they did.) They DID get the girls counseling. Josh DID get counseling and was sent away from the family for a long time. A police report was filed. No charges were brought against him. This happened when he was 12 years old, or thereabouts. If the police didn't arrest him, then why are we so anxious to arrest him with our actions and words? I think people are forgetting that this was dealt with and this isn't like he "just got away with something and it's just now coming to light." I do understand that his parents and the church should have dealt with it. But again, who am I to judge? That's God's job. I just hope to make this world and church a safer place to deal with issues of this sort. I hope to see the church learn how to properly deal with crimes rather than hiding them. But to judge them myself, no. I hope to see the church learn how to extend grace and love to these people, even if they are in prison!
I can only hope and pray that the girls who were injured emotionally from this can move on and grow from it. I can only pray that God heals the hurt that is so deep in their heart. I can only ask God to move upon Josh and his family as they struggle with this situation. May God bless them and guide them as they go through all of this. I hope and pray they are brought together instead of torn apart. I pray that God gives them peace and love. And I pray that the church steps up to encourage, admonish, love, forgive and stretch a hand of grace to this family. Let's be bearers of Love, not hate, forgiveness, not judgement, grace, not finger pointing, and most of all, let's try to show the world how true Christians are; imperfect, but willing to work through problems.
Blessings~
The Duggar family has been in the limelight for years. They have been a family portraying Christian values and purity. I think they have been a great example to the youth of today on how to have a proper, pure relationship during dating, engagement and marriage. Of course, earlier this week, it came out that their oldest son had molested five girls, some including his sisters. His parents stated that they turned him into the police (the timing is still unclear, but it seems to have been a long while later). Josh and the girls got counseling. They have moved on with their lives. That is the jist of what happened.
This subject is a hot topic, because so many are horrified by them hiding his crime and him not paying for it. They're horrified about the victims and how they didn't get the help they needed. So people are jumping all over them, discussing the atrocious "Sins of the Duggars." I have argued with people that his sin is no different than others. They've argued back that his sin is different because it's a crime.
Now I come to the point of this blog. Sin is sin. There isn't a line God draws where He says, "Oh, you just lied, so you get to go to heaven," and then turns to someone else and says, "Oh, you raped that girl, you're going to hell." All sin is equal. Some just happen to have crime, according to the law made by men, attached to their name. I don't feel Josh's sin is more worthy of hell and damnation than me getting angry at my husband and spitting out words in anger that I regret later. I don't see a difference between a kid stealing a candy bar at the store and what Josh did. It is sin. But the bigger thing I think we need to look at is how Jesus dealt with sin. My favourite story is the one with the woman caught in adultery. He came upon a group of men about to stone a woman for sleeping with several men, none of them being her husband. He told them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Not one man could cast a stone. They all slouched away, knowing that they all have sin. Then Jesus told them woman, "Go, sin no more." He extended grace, mercy and forgiveness. Does that excuse what she did? No. It doesn't. Is it still bad that she slept around and cheated on her husband? Yes. It is still bad. But the difference is that Jesus extended grace, while others just wanted to extend judgement and death. Now, people like to argue that Josh's sin is different because it was a crime and this woman's sin was with other consenting adults. But yet, the point of the story isn't so much her sin, but the fact that Jesus ended the discussion, so to speak, and gave her freedom and life. The point is grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and no judgement. He didn't berate her. He didn't drag her name through the mud. He didn't use her as an example of how awful her sin was and how the church should "kick her out" and "deal with her sin." Instead, He showed the church how to deal with it. He showed love.
I grew up in a church that covered men's sin of rape and molestation. I know the feeling of "Wow, these guys should have been in jail a long time ago. Why the heck did the church cover this up? How is that ok?" I know the feeling of wanting justice for the girls who were hurt by men they should have been able to trust. Thankfully, they are now in prison and are paying the consequences of their sin. But you know what? I still pray for them. I hope someday that they come to know the power, the love and the forgiveness of Jesus. I hope they change and when they leave prison someday, that they become powerful, awesome men of God who change the world with their testimony and the freedom that God has given them. That is my hope. I hope that Josh Duggar can use this situation to show that Christians aren't all pretty and perfect; that they sin, they fail, they even commit crimes! Oh heaven forbid that Christians sin! *sarcastic* I also hope that the church learns from this and the many thousands of other stories that are lying beneath the surface, just waiting to be heard. I hope the church can start speaking out about this. But you know what else? I hope the church creates a safe environment for people to share their struggles and sins, and crimes. But I also hope the church creates an atmosphere of, "If you commit a crime, we will need to share it with proper authorities, right away....no delay." If people feel like they're going to be judged and sent to hell by people's words and actions, they won't ever come forward and share what is going on. The church needs to be a place of love and forgiveness. But the church also needs to be a place of honesty and truth, where we do what is right in light of the law. I don't believe we should hide people's crimes just to protect. But I also don't believe we should sit around using the Duggars and this situation as a license to gossip and judge. I have never been in the place the Duggars have been in. I don't know what it feels like to have a 12 year old son tell me that he's molested his sisters. I don't know how I would respond. I don't know the fear that would course through my veins as I grapple with the best decision to make. I don't know how it would feel walking my son into a police station, knowing full well he will be arrested and put into a detention center for his crimes. Since I don't know, I can't judge them. Also, as a PS. I want to say, this thing with the Duggars DID get dealt with. They did turn their son into the police (timely? no. But they did.) They DID get the girls counseling. Josh DID get counseling and was sent away from the family for a long time. A police report was filed. No charges were brought against him. This happened when he was 12 years old, or thereabouts. If the police didn't arrest him, then why are we so anxious to arrest him with our actions and words? I think people are forgetting that this was dealt with and this isn't like he "just got away with something and it's just now coming to light." I do understand that his parents and the church should have dealt with it. But again, who am I to judge? That's God's job. I just hope to make this world and church a safer place to deal with issues of this sort. I hope to see the church learn how to properly deal with crimes rather than hiding them. But to judge them myself, no. I hope to see the church learn how to extend grace and love to these people, even if they are in prison!
I can only hope and pray that the girls who were injured emotionally from this can move on and grow from it. I can only pray that God heals the hurt that is so deep in their heart. I can only ask God to move upon Josh and his family as they struggle with this situation. May God bless them and guide them as they go through all of this. I hope and pray they are brought together instead of torn apart. I pray that God gives them peace and love. And I pray that the church steps up to encourage, admonish, love, forgive and stretch a hand of grace to this family. Let's be bearers of Love, not hate, forgiveness, not judgement, grace, not finger pointing, and most of all, let's try to show the world how true Christians are; imperfect, but willing to work through problems.
Blessings~
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Getting in the Groove
Something experts say over and over about raising children is, "Have a schedule." For the longest time, I tried and tried, and tried. Over and over, and over, I failed! I felt like I was never going to get there. I had three kids in a short amount of time and I was overwhelmed with just getting into a good rhythm. It just seemed easier to go with the flow and to not hold to a too tight of a schedule. It seemed to make us tense and frustrated if we failed to do things on time.
But lately, we have been working at getting up every day at the same time. We eat breakfast. We clean up breakfast. The kids have chores that they do, even if it's as simple as emptying their potty chair into the toilet, or throwing away trash, or picking up toys. Then we have worship time where we sing and pray before starting our full day. Then I spent time with my oldest, teaching colors and numbers and things of that sort. I work with my oldest daughter on potty training. I let my youngest just play and color. Then I make lunch. We eat, we clean up lunch and then we have quiet time or outside playing time while I clean, do laundry and start dinner. Then I have some relaxation time with my youngest while my middle child takes a nap. Then my husband is home and I finish chores while he spends daddy time with the kids. Then we eat dinner. The kids help clean up dinner, then we get them dressed for bed and we have a goodnight story. Then my two oldest are in bed and the youngest is spending time with us. I am still working on getting her to bed early. So far, that has been an adventure to say the least. Then once she's asleep, my husband and I focus on us, and our relationship and talking about the day or watching a show together. Then we go to bed.
Getting into that routine was hard. Sounds so nice on paper, right? Oh yes. It's nice alright. Does it happen every day? I'm good if it happens 3-4 times a week! But we are getting there. That is the point.
Being a mother is hard. But something I've found that helped me get to where I'm at today is sheer determination. Like I said, I had three babies in four short years and I had post partum depression. I hated moving somedays. I just wanted to curl up and cry, sleep and zone out to shows. And to be honest, there are days I still do that. Letting the house go and getting pizza and salad for dinner is my lot in life sometimes. But snapping out of that depression and being determined to do something with my life has changed my perspective and has given me so much reason to live and live a full life!
I have days where I get snappy because my children are throwing 100 questions at me every 10 minutes. Some days I just want a moment of peace. Some days I cry on my husband's shoulder because I'm tired and the laundry is pile on my bed...and I have to get it folded before going to sleep. Some days, things just go peachy and everything is great and I feel on top of the world! I think one thing as mothers, that we need, need, MUST remember is that children don't come with handbooks. There isn't a cookie cutter thing to do with raising children. We are going to fail. We are going to mess up. But just getting up and doing it again the next day is what matters. Not giving up and throwing in the towel, but having sheer determination to just keep at it and try to be better. That is what makes a good parent.
But lately, we have been working at getting up every day at the same time. We eat breakfast. We clean up breakfast. The kids have chores that they do, even if it's as simple as emptying their potty chair into the toilet, or throwing away trash, or picking up toys. Then we have worship time where we sing and pray before starting our full day. Then I spent time with my oldest, teaching colors and numbers and things of that sort. I work with my oldest daughter on potty training. I let my youngest just play and color. Then I make lunch. We eat, we clean up lunch and then we have quiet time or outside playing time while I clean, do laundry and start dinner. Then I have some relaxation time with my youngest while my middle child takes a nap. Then my husband is home and I finish chores while he spends daddy time with the kids. Then we eat dinner. The kids help clean up dinner, then we get them dressed for bed and we have a goodnight story. Then my two oldest are in bed and the youngest is spending time with us. I am still working on getting her to bed early. So far, that has been an adventure to say the least. Then once she's asleep, my husband and I focus on us, and our relationship and talking about the day or watching a show together. Then we go to bed.
Getting into that routine was hard. Sounds so nice on paper, right? Oh yes. It's nice alright. Does it happen every day? I'm good if it happens 3-4 times a week! But we are getting there. That is the point.
Being a mother is hard. But something I've found that helped me get to where I'm at today is sheer determination. Like I said, I had three babies in four short years and I had post partum depression. I hated moving somedays. I just wanted to curl up and cry, sleep and zone out to shows. And to be honest, there are days I still do that. Letting the house go and getting pizza and salad for dinner is my lot in life sometimes. But snapping out of that depression and being determined to do something with my life has changed my perspective and has given me so much reason to live and live a full life!
I have days where I get snappy because my children are throwing 100 questions at me every 10 minutes. Some days I just want a moment of peace. Some days I cry on my husband's shoulder because I'm tired and the laundry is pile on my bed...and I have to get it folded before going to sleep. Some days, things just go peachy and everything is great and I feel on top of the world! I think one thing as mothers, that we need, need, MUST remember is that children don't come with handbooks. There isn't a cookie cutter thing to do with raising children. We are going to fail. We are going to mess up. But just getting up and doing it again the next day is what matters. Not giving up and throwing in the towel, but having sheer determination to just keep at it and try to be better. That is what makes a good parent.
Friday, April 3, 2015
The Indian Giver
I'm pretty sure we have the worst luck with our bank and we are looking to change banks soon. But two weeks ago, after coming home from Florida, we found out that fraud had happened and someone got a hold of our account number. Our account was practically wiped clean. Literally. *sigh*
So we did the normal, filling out fraud claims, getting them notarized and began to wait to get our money back. They told us that our money would be in our account less than 48 hours after the claim was filed and low and behold, it's now been two weeks and we have yet to see our money show up in our account. Countless calls to the bank, talking to managers, senior assistants, and whoever else we could talk to has given us nothing. Everyone has a different answer. Everyone claims, "It'll be there after midnight tonight." Uh huh. Try again, people!
On top of that, my husband's work is having issues with their bank and have been "unable to process payroll." Really? REALLY? Oh heaven help me. This company is based in India, although they use Bank of America to pay their American workers. Well, if you've ever had Bank of America, you might have had bad experiences with them. We did. We changed banks and ended up with about the same bad customer service and fraud issues.
So you know, bills are due, we need toilet paper, you know, the most minute of things. Thank goodness I got my school refund this month. But my heart has still been racing, beating fast, tempers on edge and been just plain stressed.
All day today, and last night, and the night before...well, how about every single time something crazy happens, I pray. I've prayed and prayed and prayed. "Lord, I'm giving this to You. You know how stressed I am and how I don't know what to do. You know the very number of hairs on my head and you know that we need the paycheck to come through and for the money we lost to fraud to get back in our bank account. Please take this burden from me and give me peace. Amen." Yep. I prayed that over and over, plus a lot more. I would always end the prayer with asking Him to take the burden from me and to give me peace. And He was faithful as He always is, to give me peace. But what happens next? I'll go about my day and low and behold, every. single. time, after about 10 minutes of blissful peace, I get the heart palpations and the panic attacks ensue as I grab that burden back from Him and try to deal with it myself. FAIL! Then I ask myself, "Why do I keep taking this darn thing back when He so willingly gives me peace? I know... I KNOW He cares about me and I know He will help us through this."
You know what? I'm human. I'm and India giver. I give my problems to God and then promptly take it back. God must laugh at me and think I'm crazy. Why, oh why do I do this?
Humans have a natural tendency to want control. We want to know our future. We want to hold on to everything and make sure everything goes just so. But life is messy. Life throws curveballs at us all the time. I think it's God's way of keeping us on our toes and depending on Him. It is His way of training us to trust Him no matter what. You know what is funny though, about all this? This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened to us. We've gone through worse! But do you know what? Everything is fine. God always, always, ALWAYS came through on time. Never early, never late. On time. He is an on time God. And His "on time" isn't always what we consider "on time" and that leads us to just trust His plan. Do you love Him? Well then, everything will work together for good. He says so. He says that all those who love Him and are called to His purpose will have everything work out for good. So whatever is getting you down today, give it to Him...and let Him keep it! He will take care of you. He will guide your steps and He will never, ever, EVER let you down! *preaching at myself here!*
So we did the normal, filling out fraud claims, getting them notarized and began to wait to get our money back. They told us that our money would be in our account less than 48 hours after the claim was filed and low and behold, it's now been two weeks and we have yet to see our money show up in our account. Countless calls to the bank, talking to managers, senior assistants, and whoever else we could talk to has given us nothing. Everyone has a different answer. Everyone claims, "It'll be there after midnight tonight." Uh huh. Try again, people!
On top of that, my husband's work is having issues with their bank and have been "unable to process payroll." Really? REALLY? Oh heaven help me. This company is based in India, although they use Bank of America to pay their American workers. Well, if you've ever had Bank of America, you might have had bad experiences with them. We did. We changed banks and ended up with about the same bad customer service and fraud issues.
So you know, bills are due, we need toilet paper, you know, the most minute of things. Thank goodness I got my school refund this month. But my heart has still been racing, beating fast, tempers on edge and been just plain stressed.
All day today, and last night, and the night before...well, how about every single time something crazy happens, I pray. I've prayed and prayed and prayed. "Lord, I'm giving this to You. You know how stressed I am and how I don't know what to do. You know the very number of hairs on my head and you know that we need the paycheck to come through and for the money we lost to fraud to get back in our bank account. Please take this burden from me and give me peace. Amen." Yep. I prayed that over and over, plus a lot more. I would always end the prayer with asking Him to take the burden from me and to give me peace. And He was faithful as He always is, to give me peace. But what happens next? I'll go about my day and low and behold, every. single. time, after about 10 minutes of blissful peace, I get the heart palpations and the panic attacks ensue as I grab that burden back from Him and try to deal with it myself. FAIL! Then I ask myself, "Why do I keep taking this darn thing back when He so willingly gives me peace? I know... I KNOW He cares about me and I know He will help us through this."
You know what? I'm human. I'm and India giver. I give my problems to God and then promptly take it back. God must laugh at me and think I'm crazy. Why, oh why do I do this?
Humans have a natural tendency to want control. We want to know our future. We want to hold on to everything and make sure everything goes just so. But life is messy. Life throws curveballs at us all the time. I think it's God's way of keeping us on our toes and depending on Him. It is His way of training us to trust Him no matter what. You know what is funny though, about all this? This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened to us. We've gone through worse! But do you know what? Everything is fine. God always, always, ALWAYS came through on time. Never early, never late. On time. He is an on time God. And His "on time" isn't always what we consider "on time" and that leads us to just trust His plan. Do you love Him? Well then, everything will work together for good. He says so. He says that all those who love Him and are called to His purpose will have everything work out for good. So whatever is getting you down today, give it to Him...and let Him keep it! He will take care of you. He will guide your steps and He will never, ever, EVER let you down! *preaching at myself here!*
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Spring Cleaning...my heart
You've heard the phrase, "Spring Cleaning" and I'm sure each of us have our own definition of what that means. For me, it has always meant getting everything clean with cleaner. You know the elbow grease type of cleaning where you scrub every inch of the house with Mr. Clean cleaner, Windex and bleach. But this past week, I took it to a whole different level. I started cleaning out every single room in my house. I began by just going into my kids closet and seeing boxes of old clothes that are either too small, or stained, or just not what I want my kids to dress in (a lot of the clothes were given to us by sweet people and some of them just weren't what I felt were appropriate for my children, ie, skulls and cross bones, etc). So I started by getting rid of them and just cleaning out boxes of old papers, bottles that I used to use for flowers and other random pieces of useless stuff. I took out about two bags of clothes and probably three boxes of stuff that we just didn't need. Then I moved to my room. My room was a wreck! Laundry piled on the floor, underneath the bed had those roll-away containers with stuff from when I was at CFNI, and my closet was unorganized with clothes, pillows and shoes. So I started going through all of that. I think we probably gave away about five bags of clothes and took out at least two bags of useless stuff. Even my bathroom had stuff in there that we just didn't need or use, or it was old toothpaste containers, or things along those lines. We rearranged our kids room and took apart a crib we are saving for our youngest daughter that converts into a bed. We sorted through toys and got rid of the broken ones and gave away the excess of unused stuffed animals. I am pretty sure by the time we were done cleaning, which we started on Saturday and finished today (besides the kitchen, which we have yet to do), we had taken a whole rooms worth of stuff out to the trash or to a give-away place.
While I don't consider myself one of those hoarders who end up on a reality show, I would consider myself someone who holds onto stuff way too easily and too much. Anything that holds even the slightest memory or sentiment, I held onto. Anything that might be "important" someday, or something that I just didn't throw in the trash because I was lazy, it was in my house, like bills, job papers, school papers, and so on. You know, just the littlest of things end up being a pile of useless stuff.
Tonight, while my two oldest children were splashing around in their bubble bath, I began to think about how I had dusted my house, mopped, vacuumed every room, placed each teddy bear in it's place and how good it felt. It was one of those moments where I took a deep breath and sighed in utter contentment. I'm one of those women who love Pinterest, but never hope to have the Pinterest perfect home. But I think I have gotten very well near it this week.
Now, you're asking why I wrote all this out and why I felt to give a blow-by-blow account of my messy self and how I cleaned it all up. This is personal and I am not pointing fingers at anyone else who has a messy home. This is just something that dawned on me, and I felt for myself. My home has been a reflection of my heart and the status of where it stood. The past 10 years have been very messy for me. I started out with some heavy situations with a church I was involved with. I ended up leaving, but in the wake of leaving, I experienced heartbreak, distrust of every single person around me, shaken to the core of my being not knowing if God was real and if He was, why didn't He rescue me from the pain of leaving everything and everyone I ever knew or loved. I experienced "the world" for the first time, and was exposed to movies, dating, guys, pant wearing (I grew up wearing dresses my entire life), short hair, church with all sorts of people, judgement for who I was, and so on. I then experienced the confusion and rebellion against God, not caring who He was or what He wanted from me. I left God. I got pregnant. I got married. I had kids. I didn't have friends and pretty much still don't, and church issues. I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped living. I stopped hoping and believing in myself, those around me, and most of all, God. I gave up! My life turned to depression, anger, frustration, and even had the occasional suicidal thoughts. (Don't worry. I got professional help). Life was over for me and the only thing that kept me going was my children and my husband. In all of this, I let everything go. I didn't clean the way I should. I didn't keep my home the way I was raised to. I became a slob and slovenly. I am not proud of who I became. But I had no will to do anything! TV was my outlet to just zone out and de-stress. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so I could collapse into bed and sleep. That is how I lived my life for at least two years. I hid it well. I would post nice, happy posts on Facebook and Instagram. I would paste a smile on my face and act like everything was ok. But deep in my heart, the pain ran deep. I felt like I was suffocating from the hurt, the fear, the insecurity, the pain, the overwhelming depression.
But recently, I began going to bed and opening my Bible app on my phone and just reading a few scriptures here and there. I started reading Christine Caine's, "First Things First" that comes to my email every morning (you can sign up too! It's free). I started turning on Christian music and listening to it at least for 30 minutes to an hour every day. It started freeing my mind. I started to have more peace in my heart and through all of that, as I got my heart it order, my home began to take order as well. As I started climbing out of the depression pit, my home began to take on a cleaner look.
I am nowhere near perfect. I have not arrived. I will not "arrive" until I see Jesus' face in Heaven. My home will still get messy...I mean, seriously, I have three kids! There are still going to be sticky peanut butter hands touching my walls. There are going to be cute little shoes that track mud through my freshly mopped floors. Toys are going to be spread across my living room carpet and I'm sure I'll step on one of those lego blocks again. There will be water splashed all over my shiny mirrors and milk will get spilled on my wooden dining table. There will be days I will go to bed with laundry on my floor and trash not taken out. I might not get the dishes all done a few days. But what I will have is Jesus. I will have His word and I will have the music He inspired artists with. I will have peace because I have a relationship with Him and I will have joy, knowing that I am His and He is mine. I will have confidence that He has made me beautiful (even if I do have an extra 30 lbs hanging around on my body after having three kids) and that I am a powerful lioness, created to do His work. I will have assurance that I am going to do His will, changing the world one day at a time. I will depend on His love to guide me and teach me. I will do my best to raise world changers, like Ruth in the Bible, or Elizabeth, or James.
I am excited about what God is going to do and what He has already done in my life. Are you excited? Are you ready? Take my hand, take someone's hand and let's go do this thing called Life!
While I don't consider myself one of those hoarders who end up on a reality show, I would consider myself someone who holds onto stuff way too easily and too much. Anything that holds even the slightest memory or sentiment, I held onto. Anything that might be "important" someday, or something that I just didn't throw in the trash because I was lazy, it was in my house, like bills, job papers, school papers, and so on. You know, just the littlest of things end up being a pile of useless stuff.
Tonight, while my two oldest children were splashing around in their bubble bath, I began to think about how I had dusted my house, mopped, vacuumed every room, placed each teddy bear in it's place and how good it felt. It was one of those moments where I took a deep breath and sighed in utter contentment. I'm one of those women who love Pinterest, but never hope to have the Pinterest perfect home. But I think I have gotten very well near it this week.
Now, you're asking why I wrote all this out and why I felt to give a blow-by-blow account of my messy self and how I cleaned it all up. This is personal and I am not pointing fingers at anyone else who has a messy home. This is just something that dawned on me, and I felt for myself. My home has been a reflection of my heart and the status of where it stood. The past 10 years have been very messy for me. I started out with some heavy situations with a church I was involved with. I ended up leaving, but in the wake of leaving, I experienced heartbreak, distrust of every single person around me, shaken to the core of my being not knowing if God was real and if He was, why didn't He rescue me from the pain of leaving everything and everyone I ever knew or loved. I experienced "the world" for the first time, and was exposed to movies, dating, guys, pant wearing (I grew up wearing dresses my entire life), short hair, church with all sorts of people, judgement for who I was, and so on. I then experienced the confusion and rebellion against God, not caring who He was or what He wanted from me. I left God. I got pregnant. I got married. I had kids. I didn't have friends and pretty much still don't, and church issues. I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped living. I stopped hoping and believing in myself, those around me, and most of all, God. I gave up! My life turned to depression, anger, frustration, and even had the occasional suicidal thoughts. (Don't worry. I got professional help). Life was over for me and the only thing that kept me going was my children and my husband. In all of this, I let everything go. I didn't clean the way I should. I didn't keep my home the way I was raised to. I became a slob and slovenly. I am not proud of who I became. But I had no will to do anything! TV was my outlet to just zone out and de-stress. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so I could collapse into bed and sleep. That is how I lived my life for at least two years. I hid it well. I would post nice, happy posts on Facebook and Instagram. I would paste a smile on my face and act like everything was ok. But deep in my heart, the pain ran deep. I felt like I was suffocating from the hurt, the fear, the insecurity, the pain, the overwhelming depression.
But recently, I began going to bed and opening my Bible app on my phone and just reading a few scriptures here and there. I started reading Christine Caine's, "First Things First" that comes to my email every morning (you can sign up too! It's free). I started turning on Christian music and listening to it at least for 30 minutes to an hour every day. It started freeing my mind. I started to have more peace in my heart and through all of that, as I got my heart it order, my home began to take order as well. As I started climbing out of the depression pit, my home began to take on a cleaner look.
I am nowhere near perfect. I have not arrived. I will not "arrive" until I see Jesus' face in Heaven. My home will still get messy...I mean, seriously, I have three kids! There are still going to be sticky peanut butter hands touching my walls. There are going to be cute little shoes that track mud through my freshly mopped floors. Toys are going to be spread across my living room carpet and I'm sure I'll step on one of those lego blocks again. There will be water splashed all over my shiny mirrors and milk will get spilled on my wooden dining table. There will be days I will go to bed with laundry on my floor and trash not taken out. I might not get the dishes all done a few days. But what I will have is Jesus. I will have His word and I will have the music He inspired artists with. I will have peace because I have a relationship with Him and I will have joy, knowing that I am His and He is mine. I will have confidence that He has made me beautiful (even if I do have an extra 30 lbs hanging around on my body after having three kids) and that I am a powerful lioness, created to do His work. I will have assurance that I am going to do His will, changing the world one day at a time. I will depend on His love to guide me and teach me. I will do my best to raise world changers, like Ruth in the Bible, or Elizabeth, or James.
I am excited about what God is going to do and what He has already done in my life. Are you excited? Are you ready? Take my hand, take someone's hand and let's go do this thing called Life!
Friday, March 27, 2015
Perfection vs. Freedom
How often do you find yourself as a wife, mother, friend or sister, putting yourself down for your failures? Well, if you do, you're not the only one. So many moms and wives and every day people feel they're less than perfect.
Some of the most common struggles I have noticed with myself and others is the fact that we put ourselves down for not having a perfectly clean house, all the laundry done, Pinterest perfect outfits or Martha Stewart meals. But something else I think that is a huge struggle amongst women, me included, is heart issues. We find ourselves overworking, over tired, frustrated, irritable, too harsh with a children, not as understanding of our husbands, blame pushing and all sorts of things. We like to say, "Well, it's because I'm tired. It's because I'm PMSing, it's because, it's because, it's because..."
While some of these excuses are valid, excuses don't bring freedom to our hearts. We send ourselves on guilty trips and we hold ourselves to standards that aren't achievable and sensible. As a mother to three children, I know that there is the urge to want to be what we see on TV, or how our friends portray their lives are, or what we see on our Pinterest board. At night, I will often sit and look at Pinterest and get so inspired for all these fun crafts to do with the kids, ways to decorate the house, meals that would be fit for a king and outfits that would please Jennifer Lopez. But how often have I honestly gone and done those things on Pinterest? Just a handful of times. Do I run myself into the ground with self inflicted guilt? Yes.
We see the sayings, "A happy house means a messy house." "Excuse the mess. People live here." And we pat ourselves on the back, trying so desperately to make ourselves feel better about how messy the house is, or the meals that weren't prepared that day. But the whole time we are hiding the frustration and guilt we feel for not being perfect.
Let me just say, you will never reach perfection! The only being alive that is perfect is Jesus. You can strive to be your best. Striving to be the best you can isn't a bad thing. But when it sends us into a spiral of defeat, depression and frustration, we end up not being the best we can, because we snap at our children, get angry at our husbands for not texting back fast enough, or get frustrated at ourselves because the laundry didn't get done.
Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish and it isn't a bad thing. We need "me" time. We need that bath with bubbles and a chocolate bar. We need that time to go grocery shopping by ourselves. We need that time to go sip on a Starbucks with our girlfriends. We need that date night away from the kids to give us a break, and to get one-on-one time with our husbands. Refreshing time for ourselves is so important to us being available, ready, snipper-snapper for our families. If we don't take time to fill ourselves up, we will have nothing to give to those who need us. For me, when I take time for myself, I find my mind thinking about my children, what they're doing, if they're ok and throwing myself into a spiral of guilt. But I gained a small victory a couple of weeks ago when I just got a whiff of self confidence and I asked my husband if I could go alone, to the movies, to watch Cinderella. He said yes and I left to go see it! At first, as I drove away, I was already pushing myself down by thinking how I shouldn't be doing this and how I should be staying home and letting Paul go see a movie. But I reminded myself that I needed a break and that it was ok for me to take that break. So off to the movies I went, guilt free and I really, really, REALLY enjoyed it. I had all beef hotdogs, a slushy and a fun time watching Cinderella. I felt SO refreshed after being by myself for a couple of hours and that next week went so well.
Taking time for ourselves mamas, is just fine. You need that time. So go, enjoy! Relax. It's not selfish. Remember that Jesus even took a break and went out to pray and rest for 40 days. Jesus gave us the perfect example of what is ok. He served and served, yet he did take time to rest and gain strength.
I hope this encouraged you. I know I write about this a lot but I probably do it to preach at myself as much as I want to encourage you!
Lots of love!
Some of the most common struggles I have noticed with myself and others is the fact that we put ourselves down for not having a perfectly clean house, all the laundry done, Pinterest perfect outfits or Martha Stewart meals. But something else I think that is a huge struggle amongst women, me included, is heart issues. We find ourselves overworking, over tired, frustrated, irritable, too harsh with a children, not as understanding of our husbands, blame pushing and all sorts of things. We like to say, "Well, it's because I'm tired. It's because I'm PMSing, it's because, it's because, it's because..."
While some of these excuses are valid, excuses don't bring freedom to our hearts. We send ourselves on guilty trips and we hold ourselves to standards that aren't achievable and sensible. As a mother to three children, I know that there is the urge to want to be what we see on TV, or how our friends portray their lives are, or what we see on our Pinterest board. At night, I will often sit and look at Pinterest and get so inspired for all these fun crafts to do with the kids, ways to decorate the house, meals that would be fit for a king and outfits that would please Jennifer Lopez. But how often have I honestly gone and done those things on Pinterest? Just a handful of times. Do I run myself into the ground with self inflicted guilt? Yes.
We see the sayings, "A happy house means a messy house." "Excuse the mess. People live here." And we pat ourselves on the back, trying so desperately to make ourselves feel better about how messy the house is, or the meals that weren't prepared that day. But the whole time we are hiding the frustration and guilt we feel for not being perfect.
Let me just say, you will never reach perfection! The only being alive that is perfect is Jesus. You can strive to be your best. Striving to be the best you can isn't a bad thing. But when it sends us into a spiral of defeat, depression and frustration, we end up not being the best we can, because we snap at our children, get angry at our husbands for not texting back fast enough, or get frustrated at ourselves because the laundry didn't get done.
Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish and it isn't a bad thing. We need "me" time. We need that bath with bubbles and a chocolate bar. We need that time to go grocery shopping by ourselves. We need that time to go sip on a Starbucks with our girlfriends. We need that date night away from the kids to give us a break, and to get one-on-one time with our husbands. Refreshing time for ourselves is so important to us being available, ready, snipper-snapper for our families. If we don't take time to fill ourselves up, we will have nothing to give to those who need us. For me, when I take time for myself, I find my mind thinking about my children, what they're doing, if they're ok and throwing myself into a spiral of guilt. But I gained a small victory a couple of weeks ago when I just got a whiff of self confidence and I asked my husband if I could go alone, to the movies, to watch Cinderella. He said yes and I left to go see it! At first, as I drove away, I was already pushing myself down by thinking how I shouldn't be doing this and how I should be staying home and letting Paul go see a movie. But I reminded myself that I needed a break and that it was ok for me to take that break. So off to the movies I went, guilt free and I really, really, REALLY enjoyed it. I had all beef hotdogs, a slushy and a fun time watching Cinderella. I felt SO refreshed after being by myself for a couple of hours and that next week went so well.
Taking time for ourselves mamas, is just fine. You need that time. So go, enjoy! Relax. It's not selfish. Remember that Jesus even took a break and went out to pray and rest for 40 days. Jesus gave us the perfect example of what is ok. He served and served, yet he did take time to rest and gain strength.
I hope this encouraged you. I know I write about this a lot but I probably do it to preach at myself as much as I want to encourage you!
Lots of love!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Learning the Ropes of Motherhood
I'm a mom to three kids. I've been a mother for nearly five years. But it wasn't until this past week that I feel like I'm "getting there" with just accomplishing the most mundane of things that come with being a mom. You know, the typical every day stuff that is part of being a mom; sweeping, mopping, cooking, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, teaching, crafts, playing with the kids, etc.
Somehow, I think I was, in my mind, back when I was a little girl, playing house and almost expected that the house would just clean itself or something. I would find spurts here and there where my house would sparkle all the time and meals would be cooked and the kids would all be clean with fresh, smiley faces. But perfectionism became too much for me. While I like a clean house, and fresh, smiley faces and Martha Stewart meals on my table, the challenge to be all, all at once drove me into a state of sadness, depression and feeling inadequate. Every time I'd fail, I'd feel like I couldn't get back up and try again. Besides the every day things going on, we had a lot more going on in our lives that were hard and trying. So as I couldn't reach the goals I had on a daily basis and be the perfect, Pinterest-styled mother, my depression deepened.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my Dad on the phone and I was telling him that I was suddenly figuring out that it was ok to take time for me, and that I was learning to give myself permission to have feelings and fail. There is something about learning those vital things in life that give such freedom. Living a perfect life is impossible. The kids will color on the wall. Milk will be spilled. The laundry will be forgotten. The carpet won't get vacuumed. Dinner won't get made. But you know what? That's ok. It's ok to not get everything done every day and live that perfect life you imagine everyone else is living. (I'll let you in on a little secret: Everyone else is not living a perfect life!) It's ok to strive to get your "to-do" list done. It's great when you accomplish 3/4 of it! It's great when you get 1/2 of it done. It's great when you only get 1/4 of it done. It's even ok if you don't get any of it done. Just get up the next day and do your best. Push yourself. Challenge yourself. Don't let a day go by that you just slump down and don't do anything. I've found that when I don't feel like doing anything is when I need to push myself to do something. Normally, after a few minutes of determination and fortitude, new energy kicks in.
Some things that I do that help motivate me during the day are:
Enjoy your life!! Have fun!
Somehow, I think I was, in my mind, back when I was a little girl, playing house and almost expected that the house would just clean itself or something. I would find spurts here and there where my house would sparkle all the time and meals would be cooked and the kids would all be clean with fresh, smiley faces. But perfectionism became too much for me. While I like a clean house, and fresh, smiley faces and Martha Stewart meals on my table, the challenge to be all, all at once drove me into a state of sadness, depression and feeling inadequate. Every time I'd fail, I'd feel like I couldn't get back up and try again. Besides the every day things going on, we had a lot more going on in our lives that were hard and trying. So as I couldn't reach the goals I had on a daily basis and be the perfect, Pinterest-styled mother, my depression deepened.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my Dad on the phone and I was telling him that I was suddenly figuring out that it was ok to take time for me, and that I was learning to give myself permission to have feelings and fail. There is something about learning those vital things in life that give such freedom. Living a perfect life is impossible. The kids will color on the wall. Milk will be spilled. The laundry will be forgotten. The carpet won't get vacuumed. Dinner won't get made. But you know what? That's ok. It's ok to not get everything done every day and live that perfect life you imagine everyone else is living. (I'll let you in on a little secret: Everyone else is not living a perfect life!) It's ok to strive to get your "to-do" list done. It's great when you accomplish 3/4 of it! It's great when you get 1/2 of it done. It's great when you only get 1/4 of it done. It's even ok if you don't get any of it done. Just get up the next day and do your best. Push yourself. Challenge yourself. Don't let a day go by that you just slump down and don't do anything. I've found that when I don't feel like doing anything is when I need to push myself to do something. Normally, after a few minutes of determination and fortitude, new energy kicks in.
Some things that I do that help motivate me during the day are:
- Eat a healthy breakfast (no sugar orange juice, whole wheat toast and an egg!)
- Have some worship time (Jesus Culture and Hillsong get me going!)
- Laugh with the kids
- While cleaning and doing daily activities, turn the tv off and play music! (JLo, Pitbull, Pharrel, Christian, whatever floats your boat.)
- Encourage someone else (call, text, FB message).
Enjoy your life!! Have fun!
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