In today's world, there are numerous opinions about every single subject there is. They range from what president should be elected, to what shoes are best to work out in, to what type of foods shouldn't be eaten, to what religion is the best.
Arguments ensue over every single thing, some more intense than others. I believe everyone has a right to their opinion. Everyone has a right to think and say what they believe. But the controversy over Cecil the Lion being hunted and killed, and the controversy over Planned Parenthood and the selling of fetal tissue and parts got me to thinking late last night while I was rocking my daughter to sleep.
What if we all tried to find the positive in every situation, whether we agree with it or not. For example;
1. The situation with Cecil, the Lion. How about we look at it this way? This story will probably be in the history books, so our children will read about it. They'll be able to see the wrongness of killing a lion that has done nothing wrong, and can see the ramifications of this dentists actions. Not only did he kill an animal that was endangered (I think that is what I understood, at least), which is breaking the law, but he is also receiving death threats and all sorts of things. Who wants to go through that? So our children can learn from his mistakes and illegal activities.
2. Planned Parenthood. Gahhh! Frustrating subject and is a real hotspot for people. But let's talk about it. If we don't, the positive in this situation won't ever come to light. They kill babies. Plain and simple. They take lives. But before all the videos came out, how was there proof for those who "need proof" that they take lives? Ok, that sounds ridiculous to those of us who know that from the moment of conception, that "piece of tissue" is really a baby. But some people just imagine some blob in there and I guess, in their minds it magically becomes a baby when it's born. In all reality, the baby starts out with cells that form so fast and grow and double each day. By the time the baby has reached 5 weeks gestation (which is really just 2-3 weeks from the sperm meeting the egg and beginning it's travel down the fallopian tubes into the uterus), it already has a heart! And that heart is beating around 160 bpm. Amazing, isn't it? Ok, so where can I find the positive in all of this? A lot of people were not aware of what baby cells looked like, or that they even looked like a baby. These people who were on the fence on if abortion was right or not have changed their minds and are now pro-life and anti-abortion.
Secondly, there are SO many people who get upset about population control. Planned Parenthood does provide care for women with low income, including birth control and in the past (unsure if they still do this), have provided tubal litigation and other forms of permanent birth control. So if you don't like that the world is filling up with people so fast, then appreciate the fact that they do help with that problem. They provide care for pregnant women who need assistance and they have also seen many a mother come in for an ultrasound and pregnancy test, thinking that they would get an abortion, only to see that little heart beating on the screen, and change their mind to save their baby.
Alright, so there are my thoughts. What if we just try to be positive and find the positive? It'll help bring a lot more joy to the world, even if it's like scrounging through trash to find a small piece of gold. Social media is a great way to reach the the world and help others have a ray of sunshine in their life. So let's bring joy. Let's bring light. Let's bring a movement of #PositivityBringsJoy to the world.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Perseverance Pays Off
This all began on Saturday. We woke up and knew the van brakes weren't working on the front, drivers side. So we had parked it for a couple of weeks to save some pennies to buy the parts. We figured it would be relatively quick to fix, but low and behold, as most car problems are, it turned out to be a mess.
I really can't name all the problems we ran into! It just seemed like one thing after another. Biggest of them all, whoever installed the brakes before we bought the van must've used super glue (not literally, but there is a type of glue people use for car-fixing things) on the bolts that hold the brakes/rotor on. So my husband had to buy all sorts of weird tools, including a couple of specialty ones from the Honda dealership and NAPA auto parts to be able to remove them. Well, those didn't come in until Tuesday. Mind you, I'm used to being with out a vehicle, so being without a van for a few days was really ok. For the first 4 years of marriage, we shared a car and got along just fine. But it was a blessing having my Honda Odyssey and I did feel a little bit "stranded" without something to drive! But hey, it taught me patience and more thankfulness for the things I have. Anyways, tonight as my husband worked, toiled, sweated and prayed over the brakes, I stood out there, trying my best to be cheerful and helpful. I don't know how many times I pumped the brakes to help bleed the air out of the system while he knelt down on the hard concrete trying to make sure it was working properly. We probably took the whole thing apart and put it back again at least three times tonight. But in the end, that precious feeling of the brake feeling stiff after pumping it a few times, happened! He took it for a drive and tested it out. It worked perfectly!
I guess I write all this to say how perseverance and determination really do pay off. Trial and error happens in all sorts of situations in our lives, but if we keep trying, if we keep setting our minds for a high goal, then we will obtain it. You won't believe how many times doubt entered my head and escaped my lips a few times, or the times my husband leaned his head into the van, frustration painted all over his face. But in spite of each failure, my husband would pick up the tools and just try something again. Nearing the end of the night, my husband finally picked up the phone and called my Dad. With all his experience and fatherly wisdom, he pointed my husband in one direction and told him to give it a try. It was a simple direction. He said, "Try adding more brake fluid and bleed it out. Top it off. See if that helps." Simple. So off Paul went to get more brake fluid and within minutes of topping the fluid out and pumping the brake literally three times, it was finished. Complete. Perfect. No squeals. Nothing.
Sometimes in our lives we reach road blocks. We find problems. We get overwhelmed. We want to give up. Sometimes we need to pick up the phone and ask for some wisdom. Sometimes we need to stop and pray. Sometimes we just need to keep going no matter what, despite how tired we are, how sore our feet feel or how dirty we get. Perseverance pays off.
And on a different note, same song, it saved us probably around $3k doing it ourselves. I am thankful God teaches me lessons through everything we do in life. It helps me grow and it helps me be more mature through situations in life down the road.
I really can't name all the problems we ran into! It just seemed like one thing after another. Biggest of them all, whoever installed the brakes before we bought the van must've used super glue (not literally, but there is a type of glue people use for car-fixing things) on the bolts that hold the brakes/rotor on. So my husband had to buy all sorts of weird tools, including a couple of specialty ones from the Honda dealership and NAPA auto parts to be able to remove them. Well, those didn't come in until Tuesday. Mind you, I'm used to being with out a vehicle, so being without a van for a few days was really ok. For the first 4 years of marriage, we shared a car and got along just fine. But it was a blessing having my Honda Odyssey and I did feel a little bit "stranded" without something to drive! But hey, it taught me patience and more thankfulness for the things I have. Anyways, tonight as my husband worked, toiled, sweated and prayed over the brakes, I stood out there, trying my best to be cheerful and helpful. I don't know how many times I pumped the brakes to help bleed the air out of the system while he knelt down on the hard concrete trying to make sure it was working properly. We probably took the whole thing apart and put it back again at least three times tonight. But in the end, that precious feeling of the brake feeling stiff after pumping it a few times, happened! He took it for a drive and tested it out. It worked perfectly!
I guess I write all this to say how perseverance and determination really do pay off. Trial and error happens in all sorts of situations in our lives, but if we keep trying, if we keep setting our minds for a high goal, then we will obtain it. You won't believe how many times doubt entered my head and escaped my lips a few times, or the times my husband leaned his head into the van, frustration painted all over his face. But in spite of each failure, my husband would pick up the tools and just try something again. Nearing the end of the night, my husband finally picked up the phone and called my Dad. With all his experience and fatherly wisdom, he pointed my husband in one direction and told him to give it a try. It was a simple direction. He said, "Try adding more brake fluid and bleed it out. Top it off. See if that helps." Simple. So off Paul went to get more brake fluid and within minutes of topping the fluid out and pumping the brake literally three times, it was finished. Complete. Perfect. No squeals. Nothing.
Sometimes in our lives we reach road blocks. We find problems. We get overwhelmed. We want to give up. Sometimes we need to pick up the phone and ask for some wisdom. Sometimes we need to stop and pray. Sometimes we just need to keep going no matter what, despite how tired we are, how sore our feet feel or how dirty we get. Perseverance pays off.
And on a different note, same song, it saved us probably around $3k doing it ourselves. I am thankful God teaches me lessons through everything we do in life. It helps me grow and it helps me be more mature through situations in life down the road.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Simplicity at it's Finest
It's Saturday. It's a lazy Saturday. It's a day where my children are running around being silly. There isn't a specific schedule we are adhering to. There's nothing pressing to do besides making sure food is on the table and the simplest of things like sweeping and vacuuming is done. Today is a day where I have High School Musical playing on Paul's computer for the kids and I have Anne of Green Gables playing on the TV for me. I've tried to get them to enjoy Anne, but low and behold, there is nothing more exciting than teenagers dancing and singing to a great, enticing, addicting beat.
As I have grown older and my children are getting bigger, I have struggled as a mother, to decide how I want to raise my children. Raising children isn't as easy as smiling at a camera and saying, "cheese." It's full of questions, doubt, more questions and more doubt. Of course, it's also full of fun, laughter and tons of giggles. But something that I've found is that this world is complicated. So, so, so complicated. For instance, the other day, Paul sold one of his phones online and he sent it to the guy. The guy wrote a review and told him he was buying the phone for his five year old nephew. FIVE. Five years old guys! Who lets their five year old have a phone, and a nice one at that? I'm not talking about a little flip phone with just the ability to call out and get calls. I'm talking about a nice, touch screen, new fangled phone with all the new specs on it, with the ability to access the Internet and social media. My own four year old son has already been obsessed with our iPhones and have wanted us to buy him one. Let me tell you, my answer was a resounding no. But that doesn't stop the complications of raising him in a world where it is just assumed that those things are ok and acceptable. I'll give you a glimpse into my thought life on this one subject....
"Ok, so when he goes to school, if he doesn't have a phone and all his friends do, will he be bullied? Well, it shouldn't matter. I'm the parent. I don't think it's best for him to have one. But what if he gets depressed? We've all seen the horrible effects of bullying. Some kids commit suicide. My heart would break if my kid did that just because he didn't have a phone. But what if he accident accesses pornography. Or what if someone stalks him and he disappears in the middle of the night?"
So that is just part of my thought process. It's one of millions of things my thoughts go in circles about. Then today, I started watching Anne of Green Gables and my heart yearned for the simpler days where enjoyment came from making flower wreaths for our hair, and swimming/fishing/riding bikes were the thrill. I wish that running three legged races were more common and walking through fields arm in arm were what was peaceful. But in today's world, our phones, computers, tv's and computer games are what occupies us. Our children think that playing with guns and soldiers are what is thrilling. They think that dressing up as Miss America and having waists the size of a pencil is what is attractive. Where did we stray from enjoying cows, chickens, flowers and fishing? Why has those things become "special occasions" and "uncommon?"As a parent, I wish we could enjoy simplicity at it's finest all the time instead of it being something we do on vacation or on a camping trip. So as a parent, I am trying to find that balance to bring those things back as common and usual. I want to raise my children where they're ok with not having all the new fangled things the world is full of, yet live in harmony with those who do have those things. I hope to raise them to enjoy having some meat on their bones (not fat, not unhealthy, just not being stick thin) and to enjoy flowers, water, bicycles and fishing. I hope to raise them to enjoy the older things, the things of the past, because back in those days, people's lives weren't so complicated or stressed.
Raising children in today's world is full of different opinions and thoughts. But I think most of us could agree that raising children to enjoy life with simple things would be good. Happy parenting, mamas!
As I have grown older and my children are getting bigger, I have struggled as a mother, to decide how I want to raise my children. Raising children isn't as easy as smiling at a camera and saying, "cheese." It's full of questions, doubt, more questions and more doubt. Of course, it's also full of fun, laughter and tons of giggles. But something that I've found is that this world is complicated. So, so, so complicated. For instance, the other day, Paul sold one of his phones online and he sent it to the guy. The guy wrote a review and told him he was buying the phone for his five year old nephew. FIVE. Five years old guys! Who lets their five year old have a phone, and a nice one at that? I'm not talking about a little flip phone with just the ability to call out and get calls. I'm talking about a nice, touch screen, new fangled phone with all the new specs on it, with the ability to access the Internet and social media. My own four year old son has already been obsessed with our iPhones and have wanted us to buy him one. Let me tell you, my answer was a resounding no. But that doesn't stop the complications of raising him in a world where it is just assumed that those things are ok and acceptable. I'll give you a glimpse into my thought life on this one subject....
"Ok, so when he goes to school, if he doesn't have a phone and all his friends do, will he be bullied? Well, it shouldn't matter. I'm the parent. I don't think it's best for him to have one. But what if he gets depressed? We've all seen the horrible effects of bullying. Some kids commit suicide. My heart would break if my kid did that just because he didn't have a phone. But what if he accident accesses pornography. Or what if someone stalks him and he disappears in the middle of the night?"
So that is just part of my thought process. It's one of millions of things my thoughts go in circles about. Then today, I started watching Anne of Green Gables and my heart yearned for the simpler days where enjoyment came from making flower wreaths for our hair, and swimming/fishing/riding bikes were the thrill. I wish that running three legged races were more common and walking through fields arm in arm were what was peaceful. But in today's world, our phones, computers, tv's and computer games are what occupies us. Our children think that playing with guns and soldiers are what is thrilling. They think that dressing up as Miss America and having waists the size of a pencil is what is attractive. Where did we stray from enjoying cows, chickens, flowers and fishing? Why has those things become "special occasions" and "uncommon?"As a parent, I wish we could enjoy simplicity at it's finest all the time instead of it being something we do on vacation or on a camping trip. So as a parent, I am trying to find that balance to bring those things back as common and usual. I want to raise my children where they're ok with not having all the new fangled things the world is full of, yet live in harmony with those who do have those things. I hope to raise them to enjoy having some meat on their bones (not fat, not unhealthy, just not being stick thin) and to enjoy flowers, water, bicycles and fishing. I hope to raise them to enjoy the older things, the things of the past, because back in those days, people's lives weren't so complicated or stressed.
Raising children in today's world is full of different opinions and thoughts. But I think most of us could agree that raising children to enjoy life with simple things would be good. Happy parenting, mamas!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
What Love Can Do
This last week in the news, I saw an article about a group demanding "Cracker Barrel" change it's name. The reason was because it was a "white" guy leaning up against a beer barrel and it supposedly made all American men seem like drunks. How they derived that meaning from a guy who actually looks brown and orange to me, I don't know! My first reaction was amusement and then I had a bit of frustration. Why is it that it seems everyone is getting offended over literally everything? It's everything. I'll make a list of just a few of the ones I can think of right now.
1. The Kardashians
2. The Confederate Flag (isn't that just a part of history?)
3. Gays, Lesbians, Transexuals, Bisexuals, Straights
4. The Duggars
5. Yoga pants
6. Vaccinations/No vaccinations
7. Mexican Illegals
8. Nursing in public/Covering up
9. How police deal with violence
10. Everything else inbetween
I'm pretty sure there are hundreds more, especially in the Christian world. This day and age, it seems Christians are so divided in beliefs, and how they interpret the Bible. I will be the first to say I am not sure of what all I believe in. I have been confused on who God is and what He means with certain things in the Bible. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be perfect or have it all together when it comes to this "being a Christian" thing. In fact, as many know, I refuse to even say I am a Christian. I just prefer to say I love Jesus and I try to do my best to follow him. I fail. I fail all the time.
I believe God wants diversity in His people. He wants the outgoing. He wants the shy. He wants the bold and He wants the more conservative. He wants people who want to go to the nations and wants people who have a heart to stay at home and minister to their neighborhood. He wants people who enjoy love to sing and those who love to preach. He wants the poor. He wants the rich. He wants every nationality; white, black, red, yellow....or even better way to say it, English, Irish, Russian, Jew, German and Italians too. (Sing that to "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world....red and yellow, black and white..." Get it? :) ). And please don't get offended if your nationality wasn't mentioned. I mean every single nationality in the entire world...God wants each of them.
But even more than He wants all of the diversity, He wants unity. He wants unity of heart, soul and mind. He wants Love to be the binding force that brings us together. He wants the rich to love the poor. He wants the straights to love the gays. He wants the whites to love the blacks. He wants the vaccinators to love the non-vaccinaters. ("Vaccinators" is probably not a real word...just go with it! lol). Etc, etc, etc.
As someone who has been at the end of a lot of hate and dissension dished out by more than one church, I can speak from experience that being told that I was going to hell because I was leaving a certain church, or being kicked out of a ladies group because it was "unhealthy" for me, was full of hate and hurt for me. I know many, many, many people who have been hurt by the church. It is sad how many have turned away from even trying to love God, or know Him because the avenues He has placed in the world to show His love, instead are going around creating division and confusion. I would love to see a world of Christians reaching out to and loving on every single type of person in the world. I would love to see Love prevailing, because Jesus did say that the greatest thing we could do was love. He wasn't limiting that to just the perfect, Pinterest styled people. He wants us to love everyone. Let's let Love prevail and take over the world! Let's see what Love can do!
PS. Here is a picture of Cracker Barrel's logo...what do you think? Does it depict that all American men are drunk? LOL.
1. The Kardashians
2. The Confederate Flag (isn't that just a part of history?)
3. Gays, Lesbians, Transexuals, Bisexuals, Straights
4. The Duggars
5. Yoga pants
6. Vaccinations/No vaccinations
7. Mexican Illegals
8. Nursing in public/Covering up
9. How police deal with violence
10. Everything else inbetween
I'm pretty sure there are hundreds more, especially in the Christian world. This day and age, it seems Christians are so divided in beliefs, and how they interpret the Bible. I will be the first to say I am not sure of what all I believe in. I have been confused on who God is and what He means with certain things in the Bible. I am not perfect and I do not claim to be perfect or have it all together when it comes to this "being a Christian" thing. In fact, as many know, I refuse to even say I am a Christian. I just prefer to say I love Jesus and I try to do my best to follow him. I fail. I fail all the time.
I believe God wants diversity in His people. He wants the outgoing. He wants the shy. He wants the bold and He wants the more conservative. He wants people who want to go to the nations and wants people who have a heart to stay at home and minister to their neighborhood. He wants people who enjoy love to sing and those who love to preach. He wants the poor. He wants the rich. He wants every nationality; white, black, red, yellow....or even better way to say it, English, Irish, Russian, Jew, German and Italians too. (Sing that to "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world....red and yellow, black and white..." Get it? :) ). And please don't get offended if your nationality wasn't mentioned. I mean every single nationality in the entire world...God wants each of them.
But even more than He wants all of the diversity, He wants unity. He wants unity of heart, soul and mind. He wants Love to be the binding force that brings us together. He wants the rich to love the poor. He wants the straights to love the gays. He wants the whites to love the blacks. He wants the vaccinators to love the non-vaccinaters. ("Vaccinators" is probably not a real word...just go with it! lol). Etc, etc, etc.
As someone who has been at the end of a lot of hate and dissension dished out by more than one church, I can speak from experience that being told that I was going to hell because I was leaving a certain church, or being kicked out of a ladies group because it was "unhealthy" for me, was full of hate and hurt for me. I know many, many, many people who have been hurt by the church. It is sad how many have turned away from even trying to love God, or know Him because the avenues He has placed in the world to show His love, instead are going around creating division and confusion. I would love to see a world of Christians reaching out to and loving on every single type of person in the world. I would love to see Love prevailing, because Jesus did say that the greatest thing we could do was love. He wasn't limiting that to just the perfect, Pinterest styled people. He wants us to love everyone. Let's let Love prevail and take over the world! Let's see what Love can do!
PS. Here is a picture of Cracker Barrel's logo...what do you think? Does it depict that all American men are drunk? LOL.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
The Poor, The Rich, The Inbetweeners
I don't think I'd ever classify myself as rich monetarily, even if we made millions a year, just because I don't want to be put in that bracket. I would rather give to the poor and needy than act like I own the world because I own a Mercedes or a six bedroom home with pools and water fountains.
I have been classified as poor. But being poor taught me a whole lot. I used to sit there thinking that the poor people just were lazy, didn't want to better themselves and wanted to live off of government assistance because it was "just easier that way." That couldn't be farther from the truth. While there are people in the world who take advantage of the system and abuse it, there are people out there who really do just need a hand up for a while.
Like for us, we never expected to need assistance. But after my husband suffered an injury in the US Navy, we were suddenly without a paycheck. He had expected to spend four years in (at least) and then go through college while he was working for the Navy. But with his injury, he could no longer do the PT as required and was offered a medical/Honorable Discharge. We had one other option and that was desk duty for six months and then retest for PT. But after further consultation with a doctor, he told Paul he'd probably never have the stamina needed in his leg that he needed to be apart of the Navy. So we decided to take the discharge and hope for the best. It took nearly 2 months afterwards to get a job that didn't hardly pay at all. We had a small son to take care of. I got on birth control so we wouldn't have the stress of another baby. But the birth control sent me out of control with anger and depression, so I found other ways to prevent. Well, a few months after he got out of the Navy, despite my efforts to not get pregnant, I had that positive pregnancy test. So that began our journey with assistance. I got Medicaid and food stamps. Paul was working at finding a college and loans and getting an education. I stayed at home, taking care of our kids. We conserved. We saved. We didn't have TV service. Just internet and Netflix. We had flip phones that cost about $30 a month. We didn't turn lights on unless it was so dark we couldn't see. We didn't run the A/C (we lived in California) and we took baths that were short and quick. We had a car payment which was less than $300 a month and rent. We never ate out. We didn't stop at Starbucks. We did what we could to be financially responsible, but we still needed help.
Then we began thinking about moving to Texas and being closer to my parents. So he talked to his job about getting a transfer to Texas. The cost of rent would be a lot cheaper and so would insurance and other things. We were also told the store in Texas had much better sales and commissions, so we would make more money. So his job arranged the transfer (or so we thought). We used our tax return to get to Texas and rent an apartment. We got settled in our new home, only to find out that Paul's job didn't complete the transfer and the Texas store knew nothing about him. He was again without a job. it took another three months for him to get involved with job, this time on the technical level, which was what he was going to college for. It paid great (compared to what we were getting before) and he took a second job to bring in extra cash. But still, we had barely anything left for food and I was still pregnant. So we stayed on Food Stamps and Medicaid.
Then he was offered a great job at a different company that was permanent, full time, $7 more than he was being paid at the time and it was just fantastic. It had hourly and commission. Plus he could do limitless overtime. We were finally off government assistance!
Then that job decided after nearly a year to go to contractors only and fired everyone for petty things. The excuse to get rid of my husband was because he had pneumonia and had to miss two days. One of those days, he had a doctors note telling them he needed to rest and the other day because they sent him home after fainting at work. It was totally documented and they even admitted it was, but said they still needed to get rid of him. So once again, just months after getting off of everything we had to go right back on.
My husband then got another job that paid plenty for our bills and a bit of food, but we still needed help with food. We were paying for our own insurance. So we stayed on assistance for the food. All this time, we were barely running the AC, eating cheaply, rarely getting anything out (the rare occasion of iced coffee from McDonalds and a Subway sandwich did happen...but it was always a special occasion).
Now you're asking why I write all this. I just wanted to share my story, because I know so many look down on those who have government assistance. They think they're all lazy. They think they WANT that. We never wanted it. The looks we got, the smirks, the outspoken meanness and hatred thrown our way when we'd buy a steak or chicken or fish, or even eggs, or fruit. It was like everyone thought we didn't deserve that stuff because it was food stamps. Little did they know my husband often worked two jobs to keep us afloat. Little did they know we were doing everything we could to save and be responsible. What was so wrong about us having fruit and meat? Nothing. Do I agree that people on assistance should go through a drug test and things of that sort? Yes. People who are spending all their money on drugs, alcohol and whatever else shouldn't be allowed to get food stamps. People who aren't looking for jobs, or have jobs shouldn't get benefits. (Unless of course, they're disabled and have good reason why they can't).
My main point of this is Poor People aren't bad. Some people are seriously doing their best. Just like we are both attending college. My husband now has a job that normally has to have a college degree to do but between years of experience and his years of college work, he was able to get it. But you know what? I am still using Medicaid...thanks to the insurance the company he has not supporting pregnancy besides one ultrasound. We had no clue this company insurance didn't support pregnancy at all. Does that make me a bad person? No. We are paying all our bills. We are buying our own food. We are doing everything ourselves. Sometimes people just need a little help and that isn't a bad thing at all. Maybe we can be a lot kinder in this world towards people who just need some help.
I have been classified as poor. But being poor taught me a whole lot. I used to sit there thinking that the poor people just were lazy, didn't want to better themselves and wanted to live off of government assistance because it was "just easier that way." That couldn't be farther from the truth. While there are people in the world who take advantage of the system and abuse it, there are people out there who really do just need a hand up for a while.
Like for us, we never expected to need assistance. But after my husband suffered an injury in the US Navy, we were suddenly without a paycheck. He had expected to spend four years in (at least) and then go through college while he was working for the Navy. But with his injury, he could no longer do the PT as required and was offered a medical/Honorable Discharge. We had one other option and that was desk duty for six months and then retest for PT. But after further consultation with a doctor, he told Paul he'd probably never have the stamina needed in his leg that he needed to be apart of the Navy. So we decided to take the discharge and hope for the best. It took nearly 2 months afterwards to get a job that didn't hardly pay at all. We had a small son to take care of. I got on birth control so we wouldn't have the stress of another baby. But the birth control sent me out of control with anger and depression, so I found other ways to prevent. Well, a few months after he got out of the Navy, despite my efforts to not get pregnant, I had that positive pregnancy test. So that began our journey with assistance. I got Medicaid and food stamps. Paul was working at finding a college and loans and getting an education. I stayed at home, taking care of our kids. We conserved. We saved. We didn't have TV service. Just internet and Netflix. We had flip phones that cost about $30 a month. We didn't turn lights on unless it was so dark we couldn't see. We didn't run the A/C (we lived in California) and we took baths that were short and quick. We had a car payment which was less than $300 a month and rent. We never ate out. We didn't stop at Starbucks. We did what we could to be financially responsible, but we still needed help.
Then we began thinking about moving to Texas and being closer to my parents. So he talked to his job about getting a transfer to Texas. The cost of rent would be a lot cheaper and so would insurance and other things. We were also told the store in Texas had much better sales and commissions, so we would make more money. So his job arranged the transfer (or so we thought). We used our tax return to get to Texas and rent an apartment. We got settled in our new home, only to find out that Paul's job didn't complete the transfer and the Texas store knew nothing about him. He was again without a job. it took another three months for him to get involved with job, this time on the technical level, which was what he was going to college for. It paid great (compared to what we were getting before) and he took a second job to bring in extra cash. But still, we had barely anything left for food and I was still pregnant. So we stayed on Food Stamps and Medicaid.
Then he was offered a great job at a different company that was permanent, full time, $7 more than he was being paid at the time and it was just fantastic. It had hourly and commission. Plus he could do limitless overtime. We were finally off government assistance!
Then that job decided after nearly a year to go to contractors only and fired everyone for petty things. The excuse to get rid of my husband was because he had pneumonia and had to miss two days. One of those days, he had a doctors note telling them he needed to rest and the other day because they sent him home after fainting at work. It was totally documented and they even admitted it was, but said they still needed to get rid of him. So once again, just months after getting off of everything we had to go right back on.
My husband then got another job that paid plenty for our bills and a bit of food, but we still needed help with food. We were paying for our own insurance. So we stayed on assistance for the food. All this time, we were barely running the AC, eating cheaply, rarely getting anything out (the rare occasion of iced coffee from McDonalds and a Subway sandwich did happen...but it was always a special occasion).
Now you're asking why I write all this. I just wanted to share my story, because I know so many look down on those who have government assistance. They think they're all lazy. They think they WANT that. We never wanted it. The looks we got, the smirks, the outspoken meanness and hatred thrown our way when we'd buy a steak or chicken or fish, or even eggs, or fruit. It was like everyone thought we didn't deserve that stuff because it was food stamps. Little did they know my husband often worked two jobs to keep us afloat. Little did they know we were doing everything we could to save and be responsible. What was so wrong about us having fruit and meat? Nothing. Do I agree that people on assistance should go through a drug test and things of that sort? Yes. People who are spending all their money on drugs, alcohol and whatever else shouldn't be allowed to get food stamps. People who aren't looking for jobs, or have jobs shouldn't get benefits. (Unless of course, they're disabled and have good reason why they can't).
My main point of this is Poor People aren't bad. Some people are seriously doing their best. Just like we are both attending college. My husband now has a job that normally has to have a college degree to do but between years of experience and his years of college work, he was able to get it. But you know what? I am still using Medicaid...thanks to the insurance the company he has not supporting pregnancy besides one ultrasound. We had no clue this company insurance didn't support pregnancy at all. Does that make me a bad person? No. We are paying all our bills. We are buying our own food. We are doing everything ourselves. Sometimes people just need a little help and that isn't a bad thing at all. Maybe we can be a lot kinder in this world towards people who just need some help.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Learning to Slow Down
I'm a doer. How many of us are? Probably most of us, if not all of us. Mommy jobs keep me busy from morning till night, and even many hours into the night. I find I do good if I get 4-5 hours of sleep at night. But it comes with being a mom and I signed up for it! There are days I enjoy it, and there are days I really wonder what the heck I got myself into.
My oldest is four and a half years old. My middle child is three and my youngest child is 18 months. For the most part, my two oldest sleep pretty well through the night with the rare occasions of needing something to drink or just wanting an extra hug, kiss or cuddle. My youngest on the other hand is very, let's say, needy. She wakes up several times a night, nurses for about 1-2 minutes and then she's back asleep. But it's those several times a night that throws me off. I stumble to her bed, cuddle her and feed her real quick and then try to sneak back into bed without waking myself up that much. But low and behold, I normally can't fall back asleep for at least 20-30 minutes.
Now, I'm not complaining. Like I said, I signed up for this. But this makes for a very tired mommy some days and of course, when a mommy is tired, it calls for several cups of coffee or a quick cold wash cloth to my face to wake me up! I sometimes have to do both!
Mommy life is full of ups and downs. Four year olds are really challenging! I thought two year olds were difficult. I changed my mind quite quickly recently. I know I've written about this before, but I always wanted to be the Pinterest Perfect Mommy. You know, the one with the sparkling tables and counters, empty sinks, shiny kid faces, every hair in place, house smelling of lemon and everything looking just so. I had ambitions of doing crafts with my kids on some fairy tale perfect schedule, with meals on the table that were healthy, filling and always on time. I dreamed of kids being in bed at the same time every single night and my husband having date night every night after they're fast asleep.
Wake up call! Didn't happen. While I do have days where the house is clean and the kids have clean faces, I have to admit that more often than not, I have dishes in my sink, my counters aren't perfectly clean, the table is full of mail and stuff I need to go through. My laundry pile is sometimes the size of Mt. Everest and if dinner is on the table by 8, I'm proud of myself. Gahhh! Schedules are practically non-existent in my house. I just do. I just do until I'm done. Which I'm never done.
I used to just focus on my house and keeping everything all perfect and beautiful. But then someone said to me one day, "You know, you should just slow down and sniff the roses. Enjoy your kids. Play with them. Get dirty. Do crazy things. Have fun. Just slow down." I was incredulous! You mean I shouldn't have a clean house and perfection all the time? *eye roll* Yes, of course that's what they meant. So I gave it a try. While my OCDness for cleanliness and wanting perfection still surfaces nearly every day, I have finally figured out that it's really ok to not have a Pinterest Perfect Home and be that Picture Perfect Mom. Life in the slow lane feels good. You can see what you're passing. You can experience it and even pull over if needed for a break. Life as a mommy is full of bumps and bruises, silliness and laughter, crazy times and happy times, patience and impatience. But all in all, wrap it all up into one fat burrito, life is good.
So mommies, let's just slow down. Let's enjoy our babies. Let's see things through their eyes. Let's appreciate their laughter and comfort when the tears fall. And go to bed, if you have to, with the dishes in the sink. They'll be there tomorrow. (But don't leave them too long! haha. Bugs love that stuff). But seriously! Have fun, Mommies! <3
My oldest is four and a half years old. My middle child is three and my youngest child is 18 months. For the most part, my two oldest sleep pretty well through the night with the rare occasions of needing something to drink or just wanting an extra hug, kiss or cuddle. My youngest on the other hand is very, let's say, needy. She wakes up several times a night, nurses for about 1-2 minutes and then she's back asleep. But it's those several times a night that throws me off. I stumble to her bed, cuddle her and feed her real quick and then try to sneak back into bed without waking myself up that much. But low and behold, I normally can't fall back asleep for at least 20-30 minutes.
Now, I'm not complaining. Like I said, I signed up for this. But this makes for a very tired mommy some days and of course, when a mommy is tired, it calls for several cups of coffee or a quick cold wash cloth to my face to wake me up! I sometimes have to do both!
Mommy life is full of ups and downs. Four year olds are really challenging! I thought two year olds were difficult. I changed my mind quite quickly recently. I know I've written about this before, but I always wanted to be the Pinterest Perfect Mommy. You know, the one with the sparkling tables and counters, empty sinks, shiny kid faces, every hair in place, house smelling of lemon and everything looking just so. I had ambitions of doing crafts with my kids on some fairy tale perfect schedule, with meals on the table that were healthy, filling and always on time. I dreamed of kids being in bed at the same time every single night and my husband having date night every night after they're fast asleep.
Wake up call! Didn't happen. While I do have days where the house is clean and the kids have clean faces, I have to admit that more often than not, I have dishes in my sink, my counters aren't perfectly clean, the table is full of mail and stuff I need to go through. My laundry pile is sometimes the size of Mt. Everest and if dinner is on the table by 8, I'm proud of myself. Gahhh! Schedules are practically non-existent in my house. I just do. I just do until I'm done. Which I'm never done.
I used to just focus on my house and keeping everything all perfect and beautiful. But then someone said to me one day, "You know, you should just slow down and sniff the roses. Enjoy your kids. Play with them. Get dirty. Do crazy things. Have fun. Just slow down." I was incredulous! You mean I shouldn't have a clean house and perfection all the time? *eye roll* Yes, of course that's what they meant. So I gave it a try. While my OCDness for cleanliness and wanting perfection still surfaces nearly every day, I have finally figured out that it's really ok to not have a Pinterest Perfect Home and be that Picture Perfect Mom. Life in the slow lane feels good. You can see what you're passing. You can experience it and even pull over if needed for a break. Life as a mommy is full of bumps and bruises, silliness and laughter, crazy times and happy times, patience and impatience. But all in all, wrap it all up into one fat burrito, life is good.
So mommies, let's just slow down. Let's enjoy our babies. Let's see things through their eyes. Let's appreciate their laughter and comfort when the tears fall. And go to bed, if you have to, with the dishes in the sink. They'll be there tomorrow. (But don't leave them too long! haha. Bugs love that stuff). But seriously! Have fun, Mommies! <3
Friday, May 22, 2015
Hot Topic: The Duggars
As the world now knows, the Duggar family who are stars of TLC's show, "19 Kids and Counting," have come under fire for a sin revealed in their family. If you want to know more about it, just type in Google, "Duggar family" and I'm sure a hundred news stations will pop up with reports on all the juicy details.
The Duggar family has been in the limelight for years. They have been a family portraying Christian values and purity. I think they have been a great example to the youth of today on how to have a proper, pure relationship during dating, engagement and marriage. Of course, earlier this week, it came out that their oldest son had molested five girls, some including his sisters. His parents stated that they turned him into the police (the timing is still unclear, but it seems to have been a long while later). Josh and the girls got counseling. They have moved on with their lives. That is the jist of what happened.
This subject is a hot topic, because so many are horrified by them hiding his crime and him not paying for it. They're horrified about the victims and how they didn't get the help they needed. So people are jumping all over them, discussing the atrocious "Sins of the Duggars." I have argued with people that his sin is no different than others. They've argued back that his sin is different because it's a crime.
Now I come to the point of this blog. Sin is sin. There isn't a line God draws where He says, "Oh, you just lied, so you get to go to heaven," and then turns to someone else and says, "Oh, you raped that girl, you're going to hell." All sin is equal. Some just happen to have crime, according to the law made by men, attached to their name. I don't feel Josh's sin is more worthy of hell and damnation than me getting angry at my husband and spitting out words in anger that I regret later. I don't see a difference between a kid stealing a candy bar at the store and what Josh did. It is sin. But the bigger thing I think we need to look at is how Jesus dealt with sin. My favourite story is the one with the woman caught in adultery. He came upon a group of men about to stone a woman for sleeping with several men, none of them being her husband. He told them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Not one man could cast a stone. They all slouched away, knowing that they all have sin. Then Jesus told them woman, "Go, sin no more." He extended grace, mercy and forgiveness. Does that excuse what she did? No. It doesn't. Is it still bad that she slept around and cheated on her husband? Yes. It is still bad. But the difference is that Jesus extended grace, while others just wanted to extend judgement and death. Now, people like to argue that Josh's sin is different because it was a crime and this woman's sin was with other consenting adults. But yet, the point of the story isn't so much her sin, but the fact that Jesus ended the discussion, so to speak, and gave her freedom and life. The point is grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and no judgement. He didn't berate her. He didn't drag her name through the mud. He didn't use her as an example of how awful her sin was and how the church should "kick her out" and "deal with her sin." Instead, He showed the church how to deal with it. He showed love.
I grew up in a church that covered men's sin of rape and molestation. I know the feeling of "Wow, these guys should have been in jail a long time ago. Why the heck did the church cover this up? How is that ok?" I know the feeling of wanting justice for the girls who were hurt by men they should have been able to trust. Thankfully, they are now in prison and are paying the consequences of their sin. But you know what? I still pray for them. I hope someday that they come to know the power, the love and the forgiveness of Jesus. I hope they change and when they leave prison someday, that they become powerful, awesome men of God who change the world with their testimony and the freedom that God has given them. That is my hope. I hope that Josh Duggar can use this situation to show that Christians aren't all pretty and perfect; that they sin, they fail, they even commit crimes! Oh heaven forbid that Christians sin! *sarcastic* I also hope that the church learns from this and the many thousands of other stories that are lying beneath the surface, just waiting to be heard. I hope the church can start speaking out about this. But you know what else? I hope the church creates a safe environment for people to share their struggles and sins, and crimes. But I also hope the church creates an atmosphere of, "If you commit a crime, we will need to share it with proper authorities, right away....no delay." If people feel like they're going to be judged and sent to hell by people's words and actions, they won't ever come forward and share what is going on. The church needs to be a place of love and forgiveness. But the church also needs to be a place of honesty and truth, where we do what is right in light of the law. I don't believe we should hide people's crimes just to protect. But I also don't believe we should sit around using the Duggars and this situation as a license to gossip and judge. I have never been in the place the Duggars have been in. I don't know what it feels like to have a 12 year old son tell me that he's molested his sisters. I don't know how I would respond. I don't know the fear that would course through my veins as I grapple with the best decision to make. I don't know how it would feel walking my son into a police station, knowing full well he will be arrested and put into a detention center for his crimes. Since I don't know, I can't judge them. Also, as a PS. I want to say, this thing with the Duggars DID get dealt with. They did turn their son into the police (timely? no. But they did.) They DID get the girls counseling. Josh DID get counseling and was sent away from the family for a long time. A police report was filed. No charges were brought against him. This happened when he was 12 years old, or thereabouts. If the police didn't arrest him, then why are we so anxious to arrest him with our actions and words? I think people are forgetting that this was dealt with and this isn't like he "just got away with something and it's just now coming to light." I do understand that his parents and the church should have dealt with it. But again, who am I to judge? That's God's job. I just hope to make this world and church a safer place to deal with issues of this sort. I hope to see the church learn how to properly deal with crimes rather than hiding them. But to judge them myself, no. I hope to see the church learn how to extend grace and love to these people, even if they are in prison!
I can only hope and pray that the girls who were injured emotionally from this can move on and grow from it. I can only pray that God heals the hurt that is so deep in their heart. I can only ask God to move upon Josh and his family as they struggle with this situation. May God bless them and guide them as they go through all of this. I hope and pray they are brought together instead of torn apart. I pray that God gives them peace and love. And I pray that the church steps up to encourage, admonish, love, forgive and stretch a hand of grace to this family. Let's be bearers of Love, not hate, forgiveness, not judgement, grace, not finger pointing, and most of all, let's try to show the world how true Christians are; imperfect, but willing to work through problems.
Blessings~
The Duggar family has been in the limelight for years. They have been a family portraying Christian values and purity. I think they have been a great example to the youth of today on how to have a proper, pure relationship during dating, engagement and marriage. Of course, earlier this week, it came out that their oldest son had molested five girls, some including his sisters. His parents stated that they turned him into the police (the timing is still unclear, but it seems to have been a long while later). Josh and the girls got counseling. They have moved on with their lives. That is the jist of what happened.
This subject is a hot topic, because so many are horrified by them hiding his crime and him not paying for it. They're horrified about the victims and how they didn't get the help they needed. So people are jumping all over them, discussing the atrocious "Sins of the Duggars." I have argued with people that his sin is no different than others. They've argued back that his sin is different because it's a crime.
Now I come to the point of this blog. Sin is sin. There isn't a line God draws where He says, "Oh, you just lied, so you get to go to heaven," and then turns to someone else and says, "Oh, you raped that girl, you're going to hell." All sin is equal. Some just happen to have crime, according to the law made by men, attached to their name. I don't feel Josh's sin is more worthy of hell and damnation than me getting angry at my husband and spitting out words in anger that I regret later. I don't see a difference between a kid stealing a candy bar at the store and what Josh did. It is sin. But the bigger thing I think we need to look at is how Jesus dealt with sin. My favourite story is the one with the woman caught in adultery. He came upon a group of men about to stone a woman for sleeping with several men, none of them being her husband. He told them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Not one man could cast a stone. They all slouched away, knowing that they all have sin. Then Jesus told them woman, "Go, sin no more." He extended grace, mercy and forgiveness. Does that excuse what she did? No. It doesn't. Is it still bad that she slept around and cheated on her husband? Yes. It is still bad. But the difference is that Jesus extended grace, while others just wanted to extend judgement and death. Now, people like to argue that Josh's sin is different because it was a crime and this woman's sin was with other consenting adults. But yet, the point of the story isn't so much her sin, but the fact that Jesus ended the discussion, so to speak, and gave her freedom and life. The point is grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and no judgement. He didn't berate her. He didn't drag her name through the mud. He didn't use her as an example of how awful her sin was and how the church should "kick her out" and "deal with her sin." Instead, He showed the church how to deal with it. He showed love.
I grew up in a church that covered men's sin of rape and molestation. I know the feeling of "Wow, these guys should have been in jail a long time ago. Why the heck did the church cover this up? How is that ok?" I know the feeling of wanting justice for the girls who were hurt by men they should have been able to trust. Thankfully, they are now in prison and are paying the consequences of their sin. But you know what? I still pray for them. I hope someday that they come to know the power, the love and the forgiveness of Jesus. I hope they change and when they leave prison someday, that they become powerful, awesome men of God who change the world with their testimony and the freedom that God has given them. That is my hope. I hope that Josh Duggar can use this situation to show that Christians aren't all pretty and perfect; that they sin, they fail, they even commit crimes! Oh heaven forbid that Christians sin! *sarcastic* I also hope that the church learns from this and the many thousands of other stories that are lying beneath the surface, just waiting to be heard. I hope the church can start speaking out about this. But you know what else? I hope the church creates a safe environment for people to share their struggles and sins, and crimes. But I also hope the church creates an atmosphere of, "If you commit a crime, we will need to share it with proper authorities, right away....no delay." If people feel like they're going to be judged and sent to hell by people's words and actions, they won't ever come forward and share what is going on. The church needs to be a place of love and forgiveness. But the church also needs to be a place of honesty and truth, where we do what is right in light of the law. I don't believe we should hide people's crimes just to protect. But I also don't believe we should sit around using the Duggars and this situation as a license to gossip and judge. I have never been in the place the Duggars have been in. I don't know what it feels like to have a 12 year old son tell me that he's molested his sisters. I don't know how I would respond. I don't know the fear that would course through my veins as I grapple with the best decision to make. I don't know how it would feel walking my son into a police station, knowing full well he will be arrested and put into a detention center for his crimes. Since I don't know, I can't judge them. Also, as a PS. I want to say, this thing with the Duggars DID get dealt with. They did turn their son into the police (timely? no. But they did.) They DID get the girls counseling. Josh DID get counseling and was sent away from the family for a long time. A police report was filed. No charges were brought against him. This happened when he was 12 years old, or thereabouts. If the police didn't arrest him, then why are we so anxious to arrest him with our actions and words? I think people are forgetting that this was dealt with and this isn't like he "just got away with something and it's just now coming to light." I do understand that his parents and the church should have dealt with it. But again, who am I to judge? That's God's job. I just hope to make this world and church a safer place to deal with issues of this sort. I hope to see the church learn how to properly deal with crimes rather than hiding them. But to judge them myself, no. I hope to see the church learn how to extend grace and love to these people, even if they are in prison!
I can only hope and pray that the girls who were injured emotionally from this can move on and grow from it. I can only pray that God heals the hurt that is so deep in their heart. I can only ask God to move upon Josh and his family as they struggle with this situation. May God bless them and guide them as they go through all of this. I hope and pray they are brought together instead of torn apart. I pray that God gives them peace and love. And I pray that the church steps up to encourage, admonish, love, forgive and stretch a hand of grace to this family. Let's be bearers of Love, not hate, forgiveness, not judgement, grace, not finger pointing, and most of all, let's try to show the world how true Christians are; imperfect, but willing to work through problems.
Blessings~
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