Perfection vs. Freedom

How often do you find yourself as a wife, mother, friend or sister, putting yourself down for your failures? Well, if you do, you're not the only one. So many moms and wives and every day people feel they're less than perfect.

Some of the most common struggles I have noticed with myself and others is the fact that we put ourselves down for not having a perfectly clean house, all the laundry done, Pinterest perfect outfits or Martha Stewart meals. But something else I think that is a huge struggle amongst women, me included, is heart issues. We find ourselves overworking, over tired, frustrated, irritable, too harsh with a children, not as understanding of our husbands, blame pushing and all sorts of things. We like to say, "Well, it's because I'm tired. It's because I'm PMSing, it's because, it's because, it's because..."

While some of these excuses are valid, excuses don't bring freedom to our hearts. We send ourselves on guilty trips and we hold ourselves to standards that aren't achievable and sensible. As a mother to three children, I know that there is the urge to want to be what we see on TV, or how our friends portray their lives are, or what we see on our Pinterest board. At night, I will often sit and look at Pinterest and get so inspired for all these fun crafts to do with the kids, ways to decorate the house, meals that would be fit for a king and outfits that would please Jennifer Lopez. But how often have I honestly gone and done those things on Pinterest? Just a handful of times. Do I run myself into the ground with self inflicted guilt? Yes.

We see the sayings, "A happy house means a messy house." "Excuse the mess. People live here." And we pat ourselves on the back, trying so desperately to make ourselves feel better about how messy the house is, or the meals that weren't prepared that day. But the whole time we are hiding the frustration and guilt we feel for not being perfect.

Let me just say, you will never reach perfection! The only being alive that is perfect is Jesus. You can strive to be your best. Striving to be the best you can isn't a bad thing. But when it sends us into a spiral of defeat, depression and frustration, we end up not being the best we can, because we snap at our children, get angry at our husbands for not texting back fast enough, or get frustrated at ourselves because the laundry didn't get done.

Taking care of ourselves isn't selfish and it isn't a bad thing. We need "me" time. We need that bath with bubbles and a chocolate bar. We need that time to go grocery shopping by ourselves. We need that time to go sip on a Starbucks with our girlfriends. We need that date night away from the kids to give us a break, and to get one-on-one time with our husbands. Refreshing time for ourselves is so important to us being available, ready, snipper-snapper for our families. If we don't take time to fill ourselves up, we will have nothing to give to those who need us. For me, when I take time for myself, I find my mind thinking about my children, what they're doing, if they're ok and throwing myself into a spiral of guilt. But I gained a small victory a couple of weeks ago when I just got a whiff of self confidence and I asked my husband if I could go alone, to the movies, to watch Cinderella. He said yes and I left to go see it! At first, as I drove away, I was already pushing myself down by thinking how I shouldn't be doing this and how I should be staying home and letting Paul go see a movie. But I reminded myself that I needed a break and that it was ok for me to take that break. So off to the movies I went, guilt free and I really, really, REALLY enjoyed it. I had all beef hotdogs, a slushy and a fun time watching Cinderella. I felt SO refreshed after being by myself for a couple of hours and that next week went so well.

Taking time for ourselves mamas, is just fine. You need that time. So go, enjoy! Relax. It's not selfish. Remember that Jesus even took a break and went out to pray and rest for 40 days. Jesus gave us the perfect example of what is ok. He served and served, yet he did take time to rest and gain strength.

I hope this encouraged you. I know I write about this a lot but I probably do it to preach at myself as much as I want to encourage you!

Lots of love!

Learning the Ropes of Motherhood

I'm a mom to three kids. I've been a mother for nearly five years. But it wasn't until this past week that I feel like I'm "getting there" with just accomplishing the most mundane of things that come with being a mom. You know, the typical every day stuff that is part of being a mom; sweeping, mopping, cooking, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, teaching, crafts, playing with the kids, etc.

Somehow, I think I was, in my mind, back when I was a little girl, playing house and almost expected that the house would just clean itself or something. I would find spurts here and there where my house would sparkle all the time and meals would be cooked and the kids would all be clean with fresh, smiley faces. But perfectionism became too much for me. While I like a clean house, and fresh, smiley faces and Martha Stewart meals on my table, the challenge to be all, all at once drove me into a state of sadness, depression and feeling inadequate. Every time I'd fail, I'd feel like I couldn't get back up and try again. Besides the every day things going on, we had a lot more going on in our lives that were hard and trying. So as I couldn't reach the goals I had on a daily basis and be the perfect, Pinterest-styled mother, my depression deepened.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my Dad on the phone and I was telling him that I was suddenly figuring out that it was ok to take time for me, and that I was learning to give myself permission to have feelings and fail. There is something about learning those vital things in life that give such freedom.  Living a perfect life is impossible. The kids will color on the wall. Milk will be spilled. The laundry will be forgotten. The carpet won't get vacuumed. Dinner won't get made. But you know what? That's ok. It's ok to not get everything done every day and live that perfect life you imagine everyone else is living. (I'll let you in on a little secret: Everyone else is not living a perfect life!) It's ok to strive to get your "to-do" list done. It's great when you accomplish 3/4 of it! It's great when you get 1/2 of it done. It's great when you only get 1/4 of it done. It's even ok if you don't get any of it done. Just get up the next day and do your best. Push yourself. Challenge yourself. Don't let a day go by that you just slump down and don't do anything.  I've found that when I don't feel like doing anything is when I need to push myself to do something. Normally, after a few minutes of determination and fortitude, new energy kicks in.

Some things that I do that help motivate me during the day are:

1. Eat a healthy breakfast (no sugar orange juice, whole wheat toast and an egg!)
2. Have some worship time (Jesus Culture and Hillsong get me going!)
3. Laugh with the kids
4. While cleaning and doing daily activities, turn the tv off and play music! (JLo, Pitbull, Pharrel, Christian, whatever floats your boat.)
5. Encourage someone else (call, text, FB message).

Learning the ropes of motherhood is full of challenges. It won't always be easy. But make sure you give room for you. It's ok to go out and enjoy a movie, drink some Starbucks coffee, go shopping for groceries by yourself, have a girls night, etc. And give yourself room to fail. Don't beat yourself up because your house doesn't look the Pinterest pictures you pin to your wall late at night that are all beautifully decorated and perfect looking---all the while your living room has toys spread all around and your bedroom has a pile of laundry the size of Mount Everest in it. You're allowed to live life. You're allowed to enjoy it! You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to fail. You're allowed to look like a mess. You're allowed to just plop the kids in front of the tv for an hour while you just soak in some you time, even if that time is sitting on a towel in the bathroom, with the door shut, munching on a stowed-away bag of chocolate. You can hope that they'll enjoy Mickey Mouse for 10 minutes before they start looking for you! Motherhood is full of ups and downs. You'll make mistakes. You'll get angry. You'll have days you wanna snap. You'll have days everything will go smoothly and you'll feel on top of the world. Each feeling is ok!

Enjoy your life!! Have fun!