Hot Topic: The Duggars

As the world now knows, the Duggar family who are stars of TLC's show, "19 Kids and Counting," have come under fire for a sin revealed in their family. If you want to know more about it, just type in Google, "Duggar family" and I'm sure a hundred news stations will pop up with reports on all the juicy details.

The Duggar family has been in the limelight for years. They have been a family portraying Christian values and purity. I think they have been a great example to the youth of today on how to have a proper, pure relationship during dating, engagement and marriage. Of course, earlier this week, it came out that their oldest son had molested five girls, some including his sisters. His parents stated that they turned him into the police (the timing is still unclear, but it seems to have been a long while later). Josh and the girls got counseling. They have moved on with their lives. That is the jist of what happened. 


This subject is a hot topic, because so many are horrified by them hiding his crime and him not paying for it. They're horrified about the victims and how they didn't get the help they needed. So people are jumping all over them, discussing the atrocious "Sins of the Duggars." I have argued with people that his sin is no different than others. They've argued back that his sin is different because it's a crime.

Now I come to the point of this blog. Sin is sin. There isn't a line God draws where He says, "Oh, you just lied, so you get to go to heaven," and then turns to someone else and says, "Oh, you raped that girl, you're going to hell." All sin is equal. Some just happen to have crime, according to the law made by men, attached to their name. I don't feel Josh's sin is more worthy of hell and damnation than me getting angry at my husband and spitting out words in anger that I regret later. I don't see a difference between a kid stealing a candy bar at the store and what Josh did. It is sin. But the bigger thing I think we need to look at is how Jesus dealt with sin. My favourite story is the one with the woman caught in adultery. He came upon a group of men about to stone a woman for sleeping with several men, none of them being her husband. He told them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Not one man could cast a stone. They all slouched away, knowing that they all have sin. Then Jesus told them woman, "Go, sin no more." He extended grace, mercy and forgiveness. Does that excuse what she did? No. It doesn't. Is it still bad that she slept around and cheated on her husband? Yes. It is still bad. But the difference is that Jesus extended grace, while others just wanted to extend judgement and death. Now, people like to argue that Josh's sin is different because it was a crime and this woman's sin was with other consenting adults. But yet, the point of the story isn't so much her sin, but the fact that Jesus ended the discussion, so to speak, and gave her freedom and life. The point is grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and no judgement. He didn't berate her. He didn't drag her name through the mud. He didn't use her as an example of how awful her sin was and how the church should "kick her out" and "deal with her sin." Instead, He showed the church how to deal with it. He showed love.

I grew up in a church that covered men's sin of rape and molestation. I know the feeling of "Wow, these guys should have been in jail a long time ago. Why the heck did the church cover this up? How is that ok?"  I know the feeling of wanting justice for the girls who were hurt by men they should have been able to trust. Thankfully, they are now in prison and are paying the consequences of their sin. But you know what? I still pray for them. I hope someday that they come to know the power, the love and the forgiveness of Jesus. I hope they change and when they leave prison someday, that they become powerful, awesome men of God who change the world with their testimony and the freedom that God has given them. That is my hope. I hope that Josh Duggar can use this situation to show that Christians aren't all pretty and perfect; that they sin, they fail, they even commit crimes! Oh heaven forbid that Christians sin! *sarcastic* I also hope that the church learns from this and the many thousands of other stories that are lying beneath the surface, just waiting to be heard. I hope the church can start speaking out about this. But you know what else? I hope the church creates a safe environment for people to share their struggles and sins, and crimes. But I also hope the church creates an atmosphere of, "If you commit a crime, we will need to share it with proper authorities, right away....no delay." If people feel like they're going to be judged and sent to hell by people's words and actions, they won't ever come forward and share what is going on. The church needs to be a place of love and forgiveness. But the church also needs to be a place of honesty and truth, where we do what is right in light of the law. I don't believe we should hide people's crimes just to protect. But I also don't believe we should sit around using the Duggars and this situation as a license to gossip and judge. I have never been in the place the Duggars have been in. I don't know what it feels like to have a 12 year old son tell me that he's molested his sisters. I don't know how I would respond. I don't know the fear that would course through my veins as I grapple with the best decision to make. I don't know how it would feel walking my son into a police station, knowing full well he will be arrested and put into a detention center for his crimes. Since I don't know, I can't judge them. Also, as a PS. I want to say, this thing with the Duggars DID get dealt with. They did turn their son into the police (timely? no. But they did.) They DID get the girls counseling. Josh DID get counseling and was sent away from the family for a long time. A police report was filed. No charges were brought against him. This happened when he was 12 years old, or thereabouts. If the police didn't arrest him, then why are we so anxious to arrest him with our actions and words? I think people are forgetting that this was dealt with and this isn't like he "just got away with something and it's just now coming to light." I do understand that his parents and the church should have dealt with it. But again, who am I to judge? That's God's job. I just hope to make this world and church a safer place to deal with issues of this sort. I hope to see the church learn how to properly deal with crimes rather than hiding them. But to judge them myself, no. I hope to see the church learn how to extend grace and love to these people, even if they are in prison!

I can only hope and pray that the girls who were injured emotionally from this can move on and grow from it. I can only pray that God heals the hurt that is so deep in their heart. I can only ask God to move upon Josh and his family as they struggle with this situation. May God bless them and guide them as they go through all of this. I hope and pray they are brought together instead of torn apart. I pray that God gives them peace and love. And I pray that the church steps up to encourage, admonish, love, forgive and stretch a hand of grace to this family. Let's be bearers of Love, not hate, forgiveness, not judgement, grace, not finger pointing, and most of all, let's try to show the world how true Christians are; imperfect, but willing to work through problems.

Blessings~

Getting in the Groove

Something experts say over and over about raising children is, "Have a schedule." For the longest time, I tried and tried, and tried. Over and over, and over, I failed! I felt like I was never going to get there. I had three kids in a short amount of time and I was overwhelmed with just getting into a good rhythm. It just seemed easier to go with the flow and to not hold to a too tight of a schedule. It seemed to make us tense and frustrated if we failed to do things on time.

But lately, we have been working at getting up every day at the same time. We eat breakfast. We clean up breakfast. The kids have chores that they do, even if it's as simple as emptying their potty chair into the toilet, or throwing away trash, or picking up toys. Then we have worship time where we sing and pray before starting our full day. Then I spent time with my oldest, teaching colors and numbers and things of that sort. I work with my oldest daughter on potty training. I let my youngest just play and color. Then I make lunch. We eat, we clean up lunch and then we have quiet time or outside playing time while I clean, do laundry and start dinner. Then I have some relaxation time with my youngest while my middle child takes a nap. Then my husband is home and I finish chores while he spends daddy time with the kids. Then we eat dinner. The kids help clean up dinner, then we get them dressed for bed and we have a goodnight story. Then my two oldest are in bed and the youngest is spending time with us. I am still working on getting her to bed early. So far, that has been an adventure to say the least. Then once she's asleep, my husband and I focus on us, and our relationship and talking about the day or watching a show together. Then we go to bed.

Getting into that routine was hard. Sounds so nice on paper, right? Oh yes. It's nice alright. Does it happen every day? I'm good if it happens 3-4 times a week! But we are getting there. That is the point.

Being a mother is hard. But something I've found that helped me get to where I'm at today is sheer determination. Like I said, I had three babies in four short years and I had post partum depression. I hated moving somedays. I just wanted to curl up and cry, sleep and zone out to shows. And to be honest, there are days I still do that. Letting the house go and getting pizza and salad for dinner is my lot in life sometimes. But snapping out of that depression and being determined to do something with my life has changed my perspective and has given me so much reason to live and live a full life!

I have days where I get snappy because my children are throwing 100 questions at me every 10 minutes. Some days I just want a moment of peace. Some days I cry on my husband's shoulder because I'm tired and the laundry is pile on my bed...and I have to get it folded before going to sleep. Some days, things just go peachy and everything is great and I feel on top of the world! I think one thing as mothers, that we need, need, MUST remember is that children don't come with handbooks. There isn't a cookie cutter thing to do with raising children. We are going to fail. We are going to mess up. But just getting up and doing it again the next day is what matters. Not giving up and throwing in the towel, but having sheer determination to just keep at it and try to be better. That is what makes a good parent.