Letting Go and Letting God

Each of us face situations in our lives that are just out of control. Whether it's with finances, family, friends, jobs, co-workers, health issues, etc, we all have them.

For me, I have had a situation in my life where I've been trying to gain control of a situation where all I can do is be nice, be nice, be nice and be nice some more. Part of me doesn't want to be nice. Part of me wants to say, "Hey people, I've been nice to you for so many years and you've slammed the door in my face over and over, so good bye. Good luck." And maybe a few more choice words that I shouldn't be thinking or feeling or saying....but I'm human. I get angry. I get hurt. I get offended. I fail. Sorry folks...but it's a reality we all must face. Thank Jesus that we can ask for forgiveness and move on.

Anyways, this past week, something else happened that was pretty much just slam dunk rude and mean. I literally felt punched in the gut. You know how it is. People are nice to your face, you think things are going well and then BAM. Their true colors come out? Well, that happened. Again. I had a few moments....let me be real...it was more like a few hours...maybe a day, that I was angry. I mean downright crying, screeching out my dismay, hurt, crocodile sized tears and rubbing my runny nose into my husband's tear-soaked t-shirt. Heaven bless him.

After I had calmed down a bit, I prayed. First I had to ask for God's forgiveness for being so mean with my thoughts and words. Then I asked Him what to do next. Heaven seemed silent. A whole day passed and I was still having moments where I seethed with anger. How on earth did I deserve this? What did I do to make these people so inconsiderate of my feelings? Why did I have to be so concerned about them and their feelings and them totally not care about how I feel? God. I need an answer. Now.

Well, heaven seemed to stay silent for a while. Then last night, I was laying in bed, scrolling through Facebook as I typically do, right before sleeping and up popped a picture with the words scrawled across it, "God can do in a second what you have been trying to do for years." Thank you Christine Caine for those words!

So there was my answer. I just need to pray. I need to pray for these people who keep hurting me over and over for some unknown reason. Well, I know some of the reason, but their reasoning is based off of lies and rumors and things they want to believe to justify themselves in treating me like this. But that isn't something I want to expound on to protect them and even though it would feel really good to share the truth of the entire matter, it would hurt them in the process and I would prefer to not do to them as they are doing to me. But prayer can change things and that should have been the first thing I turned to, but for some reason, for years, I thought by being nice, thinking of them, doing things for them and trying to express my interest in being their friend, it would change things. But instead, I think it's made it worse. So now, my last resort is prayer. Like I said, it should have been my first thing I turned to. But here I am. Better late than never. I have to let go and let God do His thing.  So here I am, praying. Praying for God to reach their hearts, to soften them, to show them my heart and how I really do love them. I am also praying that God will help my heart understand if it isn't His will to do what I ask. God's plans are always better than mine. Always.