Living Real in a "Can I Keep It Real" World

"Can I keep it real?"

"Just being real with you"

"#RealTalk"

"#KeepingItReal"


We all know the sayings. We all know the words. They're rampant in today's society.  Being real in a fake world seems to have become the new fad. To be honest, I've attached many a hashtag to my social media posts with the sayings I listed above. I'm probably missing a few, too, that I've used, or seen before. 

Can I pose a question? Why is it that people feel the necessity to ask others if it's ok to "be real" with them? What is it in today's society that makes people feel uncomfortable with being real with each other?

I began thinking about a conversation I had with my Mom a couple of years ago. I had experienced rejection from a ladies group (a couple, actually), and I couldn't figure out why. I went through a list of things on why I'd be rejected or unwanted. Some of those things included because I hadn't had any adult friendships, like ever. Or maybe it was because I was younger. Or maybe it was because I had three kids (At the time it was three. Now I have four). But then my Mom asked me a poignant question. 

"Did you share any of your struggles? Like, did you talk about your past with growing up in a cult? Or did you mention some of the life struggles you were going through?"

At the time, my husband and I were going through some major financial struggles. My husband had lost his job and at the same time, fraud happened on our bank account and we lost a few thousand dollars.  

Of course, I had shared some of those things in the ladies group and I had asked for prayer. I had talked about my life growing up in a cult and how I needed help overcoming my fear of relationships and friendships. I had spilled my guts, practically, asking for help spiritually. When I think back on those days, I realize now that all of a sudden, I was this needy person in a desperate spot, and no one felt they had it in them to be "that person" who could listen, take time and help. 

My Mom mentioned to me that so many times, people will want to be friends, but then as soon as you become needy, in any way, they will often evaluate if they have the time, the mental capacity, the will or the want to be your person. (Yes, I did just throw in a Grey's Anatomy quote. I am a Grey's girl for life! And having "my person" is important, lol). 

That got me to thinking. Why is it that people only want to be friends when things are all sunshine and perfection? Why is it that it's only ok to ask for prayer when you just need some rest, or a child is sick, or your husband is taking a test at work? Why is it ok to not be there for those who are in desperate need?

In short, it's not. It's really not. But in today's fast paced world, with lots of stressors in each person's every day life, no one really wants to deal with the deep, deep things of life and continue on until that person finds healing and restored hope. Of course, when I was thinking about all this stuff, I wondered if it was just the hurt rising up in my own heart that was causing this to be such a big deal, or if there was a Biblical stand point that I could rest my case on, so I did some reading. While I have to be honest and say that this whole thought process DID stem from the hurt of rejection in one of the most neediest times in my life, I realized that maybe I could grow through this and learn something, and then share what I learned. You know, God has a way of speaking through hurt and pain. I think He did just that, for me. 

Here is what I found and what I feel God showed me. 

We are all familiar with the Beatitudes. 


"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 5:3-10

If we want to be like Jesus, we have to have a tender heart for those who are suffering or those who are going through real life issues. We have to be willing to go through the "Can I be real with you" moments. We have to be willing to go deep if we want relationships that will be substational. Besides, the Lord wants us to be merciful. How can we be merciful if we aren't willing to walk through life with people who have real things going on? I'm talking about the real things that range from the washer not working, to the toilet over flowing, to deeper things like miscarriage, marriages dissolving, financial crisis and people suffering from spiritual abuse. Every situation calls for support, love, prayer, real moments. 
We all know the phrase, "Be kind to everyone you meet. You never know the struggle they might be facing today." 
That is so true. There have been so many times in my own life people are so unkind and they have no clue that my husband had just lost his job, or that I was missing my 1000 friends that I left behind when I left a cultish type church. Or that I was struggling so deep with my own self, or my marriage. I am sure I'm guilty of not being there for someone else when I should have been. I'm not always kind. And it's something I am working on, because I never want to be the person who adds insult to injury when someone else is struggling. 
Can we all just "keep it real" all the time and can we all just be there for everyone no matter if life is good or bad? We can't always have a perfect world and we shouldn't expect everyone to just keep their real lives to themselves. It becomes a dividing barrier between those who have more struggles in life than others. It becomes a barrier between those who have money to go out to eat and those who don't. It becomes a barrier between those who have nice houses and those who rent an apartment. It becomes a barrier between those who have experienced a still birth or miscarriage and those who haven't. It comes between those who can afford a nanny and house cleaner and those who either don't want to or can't afford it. 
There are so many things I could write about on this subject, but it breaks my heart when I see mama's on social media trying to "keep up with the Jone's" and feeling guilty because they don't have all the perfection that others have. And can I remind you mama's, those trying to post about their perfect lives most likely DO have struggles, but they either don't feel they can share them (because of reasons listed above) or because they want everyone to think how great they are. It's better to be honest and real than it is to be fake and an inadvertent liar. 
Let's "Keep it Real" all the time. Let's be real with our lives and welcome back the good ol' days where things were simpler and easier to "be real."
Much love to all of you! A Mama committed to being "real" all the time!