Learning to Say Yes

"No!"

"Stop that!"

"Don't do that!"

"Sit down!"

"Shhhhh"

"I told you no!"

Those are phrases that bounce around my home way too much. With four kids, my house teams with crazy all day long. From the moment the sun peaks above the horizon to the moment their little heads are laying on pillows with fluffy down surrounding them in bed, crazy rules.

So to reign in that craziness, I tend to say no a lot more than I should.

Today, my oldest son and oldest daughter came home from school and my afternoon went from relative calmness to fussing, crying, talking back, testing limits and boundaries, asking questions and all four clamoring for food. Yep. Even my 9 month old has me wrapped around his little pinky and begs for food constantly.

I rarely deny food. I mainly deny food if they're just dragging their feet and "want seconds" or "thirds" when they haven't even completely finished their plate. Or, my favourite...they've been in bed for 30 minutes and the three year old comes out, toting a fluffy blanket, eyes squinting in the bright light saying, "I'm hungry, Mommy. I wanna eat." I know that she just hears me working out, or cleaning, or hears the TV's hum as I watch an evening show and wants to join in the fun. Who wouldn't? But I will still lead her back to bed and whisper little sweet prayers and then get her tucked back in. I assure her that I will feed her in the morning. That always seems to do the trick!

But back to what I was saying; I so often say "no" to things that really deserve or could use a yes.

For instance, today, my four year old asked me if they could go outside and play. I was in the midst of trying to get things done and my mind was deeply focused on trying to resolve an issue and I snapped back with a quick, short, "No. Just sit down on the couch and be quiet!"

I caught a glimpse of her downfallen face and suddenly stopped to think for a second. I asked the person I had on the phone to hold for a minute and then said, "You know what? Sure. That's fine. Go ahead and go outside and play. I'll throw a pizza in the oven and you guys can have a little snack out there."

The sounds of their happy squeals as they scampered outside made my  heart so happy. I realized how much the power of a small "yes" could bring such happiness and relief. Maybe I'm the only Mom out there that struggles with saying "no" too much. But it dawned on me that I really needed to say yes much more. I always hear about the power of the word, "no" but I've never read about the power of the word, "yes." We focus so much on cutting things out of our lives so we can have time to do things with our families, or focus on self betterment, or put in the work that a marriage takes, etc, that we forget that saying yes sometimes is what we actually need.

I focused on saying yes a lot more for the rest of the day and I noticed that my day went a lot better and so did theirs. They were so happy when I said "yes" to some apple juice. They were thrilled when I said, "yes" to them watching a movie. They squealed when I said "yes" to them having some popcorn. They bounced for joy when I said "yes" to them coloring outside. What was the harm? They were outside. They were loving their time with each other and my new-found "yes" system. While the word "no" has a place in our home, right now, the lesson I am learning to embrace is learning to say yes to my children more and not just shutting them out when I'm busy or distracted with adult problems and every day stuff.

Sometimes life is hectic. Sometimes we just wanna curl up in a hot bath with the Gilmore Girls playing on our laptops and a steaming cup of homemade chicken noodle soup in our hands. Oh, don't forget the cup of iced coffee to top it all off! We wish our children would just be quiet for a few blessed seconds of peace. But that's not real life, folks! We signed up for this when we had our children and it's our responsibility to learn a balance between saying "yes" and saying "no."

We can learn to rock this thing called Motherhood and when we don't "rock it" we can learn to understand that our failures don't define us as mothers. What defines us as mothers is our willingness to get up again when we've fallen down. What defines us is how we respond to our failures and how we respond to our children's failures. What defines us is how we walk with God and how we walk with our children. That's what defines us.

Love you, sweet Mama's! Hang in there. You're doing great!