But many are hurt by said Christians and they find themselves questioning who they are, who God is, and if there is even a reason to try to live for God. I've been one of those people before. I've been there. I know how it feels. It's a crushing, smothering, heavy, heavy weight. You question your purpose. You question how you got to where you're at. You question God. You question if you're saved, or if you ever were saved, or if you can even be saved.
For the longest time, I thought asking God any questions was out of the picture. I was raised to believe that if I questioned God, I was questioning His Word and His plan for my life. I was raised to believe to never question God. Ever. I was raised to believe that if I left this particular church that I was automatically going to hell and could only raise my chances of going to heaven if I returned to the church, repented of my sins before the elders and the entire church. I was raised to believe that I had to question my salvation every single day and make sure that I was following God and the elders of this church explicitly (following God was following the elders, not God...to make that clear). Following God was difficult, because there was always this fear wrapping around my heart, wondering if I did something that God didn't approve of and wondering if His grace and forgiveness was enough for me.
So once I left that atmosphere...a situation that still makes my heart ache from time to time...I started to learn that He is enough, and I am enough. Not that I can just go out and flippantly sin and take advantage of His grace and forgiveness, but there was a confidence in the fact that His grace and forgiveness exists for me.
I've learned that it is ok to ask God hard questions. I've learned that it is ok to ask Him why? I've learned that it is ok to doubt His goodness and salvation sometimes. But I've also learned that when I do question, He always comes back with, "You're enough. You are who I created you to be. You are beautiful. You are lovely. You have My forgiveness and love."
Finding that quiet confidence is something that many need so desperately, but haven't reached yet. I haven't even reached full confidence. There are days that my faith is so shaky and unstable that I wonder, once again, where I stand with God. It was just two nights ago I was sitting on my couch and something triggered inside my heart and I wondered if God cared, or was real, or loved me. Then I pulled my Bible out (well, I pulled up the Bible App on my phone...thank you to whoever designed that! Reading in the school line and at night when my heart is heavy, but I don't want to turn a light on and wake everyone up) and was reminded by Psalm 91 how He is my guide and my savior.
Do you have doubts?
Do you wonder where you stand with God?
Do you wonder if it's even worth it to try to live for Him?
Do you wonder if He exists?
Do you question your salvation?
Ask God the hard questions. There isn't anything that is too much, too big, too small, too hard, too bad for Him.
You are enough. You are strong. You're beautiful. You belong to Him. You have a place in His kingdom. He cares about your questions. He cares about you struggles. He wants to hold you close. He wants to reassure your heart. He wants you to feel confident. He wants you to be sure of His love. He wants you to walk with head held high, despite what others have said to you, about you or over you. He wants you to have that quiet confidence, knowing that He has your back. He's got this. He's got you. He wants you to know that He IS worth living for. He wants you to know He is real. He wants to show you your purpose. He wants you to be sure of your purpose. He wants you to know that He came to earth, walked amongst us, struggled and battled through his own fears to help us conquer ours. He overcome death so we could someday live with Him. He overcome so we could be overcomer's too.
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